#mac completely ignoring that it is dee's too

[itsalwayssunnyinhollywood]

I can't believe in 16 seasons we have never had an episode about the twins' birthday. Just think about the traditions that must exist after 47 years, the competition that would ensue, and maybe even a little wholesomeness? I need it.

[charmac]

Mac doesn't seem to think Dennis' System for Men is all that effective, but it's perfected, tried and true. In fact, it's so effective that a professional could run it through in under five minutes:

---

“You don’t think The S.I.N.N.E.D. System would work on you?” Dennis asks, ignoring the rest of Mac’s gibberish sentence.  “Clearly not,” Mac replies simply.  “You don’t think I could, very easily,” Dennis steps up to him and grips his bicep. “Huh,” he wonders aloud. “What?” Mac replies, looking down at the fingers wrapped tightly around his muscle.  “Nothing, I just didn’t realize your arms were still so,” he runs his tongue across his bottom lip, “firm. I mean, you’re hiding those muscles behind these long t-shirts now,” he pulls at the fabric of Mac’s shirt, pressing against his arm, and then pushes his hand up underneath it. “You’re still pumping, huh?” He meets Mac’s eyes.  “You—you think they’re firm?” Mac asks, eyes lit up in response.  “Yeah,” Dennis nods, running his hand up and down the bare skin. “Hey, I just remembered,” he squeezes Mac’s bicep again and then lets go, “The headboard on my bed is still messed up from when we moved the furniture back in. One of the beams is stuck at the wrong angle and, well, I haven’t been able to get it back into place myself, embarrassingly,” he says. “Do you think you could use those muscles to help me out? It’s pretty heavy.”  “Dude, why didn’t you ask me earlier? It’s been like, two weeks. Of course I can.” Mac’s already moving for his bedroom, on a mission. And Dennis has completely fucking lied about the headboard, of course, there’s no fucking beams on that thing, it was just the first lie that came to mind, so he has to trot after Mac’s speed-walking to intervene.  Dennis almost bumps into him as he enters his bedroom, just behind Mac, who’s frowning at Dennis’ headboard as he approaches it. Dennis grabs his shoulder and spins him. “Man, I totally forgot Dee came by and fixed it this morning,” he lies.  Mac eyebrows crinkle, “Dee was here this morning?”  “Well,” Dennis chuckles a little, “I’d never say it in front of her, obviously, but I think we can probably both admit she’s a little stronger than you.” His hand presses into Mac’s shoulder firmly, fingers gripping on, preparing for the reaction.  “Not funny, Dennis,” Mac frowns, voice raising. “Take it back.”  Dennis rolls his fingers, drumming into Mac’s shoulder, and hums. “Too bad you can’t prove it. Headboard is fixed.” His left hand finds Mac’s chest and pushes on it, walking him backward until the back of his knees are pressed up against the mattress. Mac’s visibly at a loss for words, his eyes stuck on Dennis’ own. “Unless you wanted to break it?” His hand slides from Mac’s shoulder and meets his other one against Mac’s chest. Mac frowns, his eyes dropping to the two hands. “Why would I—,” Dennis pushes with enough force to catch Mac off guard and send him down to the mattress. “What the hell, Dennis?” By the time he looks up, Dennis is dropping into his lap and gripping his shoulder again. He watches Mac’s pupils dilate fully in a second. “Oh,” he stutters in realization, mouth hanging open. Dennis runs his thumb over his open bottom lip and dips it into Mac’s mouth, hooking the inside of his cheek. Mac’s lips close around the appendage slowly, never breaking eye contact with Dennis. Thumb enclosed in a wet heat, Dennis pushes Mac down until he’s lying back on the bed fully and he’s hanging over the man.

“Suck,” Dennis tells him, and Mac does. He sucks on his thumb gently, tongue slotting right underneath the digit and sliding perfectly. Dennis is mesmerized for a moment, just watching Mac’s cheeks hollow as he obeys, never breaking his fixated gaze on Dennis as his suckling gets heavy and wet. He snaps out of his daze quickly and lets go of his press on Mac’s shoulder, digging into the back pocket of his jeans and pulling out a travel packet of tissues.  He yanks his thumb from Mac’s mouth and shifts off of him, finding his feet and staring down at the man laid out on his bed. He pulls a tissue free from the packet and hands it out to Mac. “Clean your face,” he tells him. “Your lips are covered in spit.”

Mac takes it blindly, of course he does, and wipes his mouth aggressively. As he does so, Dennis fights everything in his body telling him to just give up and stay rooted, just in case, and makes himself turn around, heading for the door. 

“Dennis!” Mac yells out. “Hey, dude, what the hell was that about?” He’s up on his feet, Dennis can tell. He slows his pace, but doesn’t dare stop completely. “Where are you going?” Mac’s hand falls on his shoulder, and Dennis spins, a stupid grin of triumph plastering his face as he meets confused, doe eyes. Mac frowns at the expression that meets him, then looks down at the tissue in his hand and wildly back up to Dennis, attempting to throw the paper-thin cloth to the ground. Dennis chuckles as it floats to the floor between them. “You tricked me.”

“I proved you wrong,” Dennis replies simply. 

---

I'm working on a fic and I got derailed and wrote this. Not sure it'll be included in the fic, so I wanted to share it instead (or, in the meantime)

[dennisboobs]

i know when dtamhd aired ppl were talking about how most of the customer service workers in the episode were women and it had to Mean Something because the ep takes place in dennis' mind, but you know what,,, it's just. so real. like, yeah! all of my random npcs in fics he interacts with are inexplicably women too. barring episodes that i think suck and are ooc not naming names <3 there's such an interesting dichotomy when you have him simultaneously a raging misogynist but also strangely far more patient and candid with women (more specifically women he's not trying to DENNIS or women in positions of power – title or age – that he's trying to gain something from). i find it fun to try and write incidental interactions with completely normal random people that he doesn't even have to think about, because dennis doesn't actually have any resentment toward most people by default, it's most often the "tens" that he goes after and tries to drag down. you think of family fight, when one of the staff goes to get him for the bonus round, or the guy mac whips a bottle at in hits the road; dennis is the one to suggest helping him. he's not At War with these people, unlike the nurse in dee gives birth, or the waiters in dines out, and everyone starts at a base zero and declines from there unless he's already irritated.

so i can completely understand having him mostly interact with women in an episode where he's actively trying to quell his rage, reminding himself they're people too, just caught up in a system that dictates they behave a certain way... do what's expected of them....... sees them as a representative of a much larger collective that ignores any and all individuality........... :^)

[transcharliekelly]

5. “Why are you helping me?”

(this one kinda got away from me lol. thanks for sending! relatively light gen macdee w/ mentioned macden, at dooley's pool party that dennis talks about, a little under 1k. warning for brief mentions of vomiting.)

Mac is drunk. Probably.

(Definitely).

Mac is drunk, and he’s slowly lost his friends, so now he’s sitting on Dooley's couch, picking at the label on his beer bottle and not listening to the girl that’s been talking at him for the better part of five minutes.

He decides he’s had enough of her, and stands without a word.

“Where are you going?” she asks, but he doesn’t answer as he walks off to the kitchen. She sputters at him, but he ignores her, scanning the crowd for a familiar face. Dennis’s familiar face, preferably, but Charlie would work too. Hell, he’d even take Dee at this point.

The last he saw of any of them was more than a half-hour ago- Dennis had told Mac to “watch this, bro,” and then shot him a grin that made Mac’s chest feel tight in ways he didn’t want to think about seconds before executing a totally sweet double jackknife. Charlie and Dee were on the other side of the small group that was watching, and Mac had seen Dee lean down to whisper something to Charlie that made him laugh. Then dumbass Eric Wyzotski and his oversized head called Mac over to him to talk about something stupid, and by the time he looked back, all three of them were gone.

He scans the kitchen for, in order, brown-haired dude leaned over some girl that’s either really into it or really creeped out, shorter brown haired dude looking like he’d rather be anywhere else, gangly blonde girl in a back brace.

Gangly blonde girl not in a back brace. Right. Mac’s not sure how he forgot- she hasn’t shut up about it once in the two weeks since she got it off.

Either way, he doesn’t see her. He’s about to turn around and go check the front yard or something, when he catches on something on one last sweep-over- Dennis, next to the sink, tongue-deep in some girl. Benny Orlando's sister, he’s pretty sure- Sissy? Something like that.

“Pretty gross, isn’t it?” says Dee’s voice from behind him, and he nearly jumps out of his skin.

“Jesus Christ, Dee. Give a man some warning.”

“Whatever,” she says, rolling her eyes. “You guys are always on me about how graceless and loud and annoying I am. Don’t get mad at me for being the opposite.”

“It’s the back brace,” Mac tells her, annoyed. “We could always hear it from a mile away. It was like your warning system. We’re just adjusting to life without it.”

“Sure, asshole. Whatever.”

They stand there for a little bit longer, watching Dennis and the girl (Missy?) with a kind of morbid curiosity. Mac’s not particularly enjoying it- something dark and almost angry bubbles up inside his chest, which is weird, because he should definitely be happy for his bro -and yet he can’t look away.

“It’s like a car crash,” Dee says, completing his train of thought, which is irritating. Stupid goddamn bird. Let a man think!

The angry feeling shifts into something else- almost like nausea. It’s far too real for his liking, and it honestly does feel like he might-

“There, there, princess,” Dee taunts, perched on the bathroom counter. “Get it all out.”

He dry heaves one last time, and reaches up to flush the toilet as he rests his head feebly on the seat. Some voice in the back of his head screams bloody murder about germs, but he tells it to shut up and let him rest for a second.

“Stop making fun of me,” he mutters, and Dee honest-to-god laughs. What a dick.

“No chance,” she says, hopping off the counter so she can open the medicine cabinet and pull a cup out of it. She fills it up with water from the tap, and passes it down to Mac, who drinks all of it one go.

She puts her hands on her hips, and clicks her tongue as she scans the open cabinet. “I don’t see any, like, Tylenol or whatever, but you’ll be fine. Probably.”

She takes the empty cup from his outstretched hand, and wordlessly fills it again before passing it back to him. He takes several gulps, and lowers it with a gasp.

“Why are you helping me?” he asks, and she makes a face.

“Okay, well, don’t say it like that. I’m giving you tap water in a dirty cup I found in someone else’s medicine cabinet, not my damn kidney,” she huffs, reaching out to take Mac’s empty cup from him. “But it’s because I feel kinda bad for you, being all pathetic and gross and in love with my brother n’ shit. Not helping you would be like leaving a three-legged puppy out on the street.”

Mac gives her his best attempt at a death glare, given current circumstances. “I’m not in love with Dennis.”

“Sure, dickwad. Whatever. Do you want more water?”

“No, Dee, really. I’m not gay.”

“Of course you aren’t,” Dee says, very clearly not believing the words she says. “Do you want more water or not?”

“I’m not gay,” Mac repeats, possibly more to himself than to Dee. Something flickers over her face that’s almost pity, and she seems to give in.

“I’m taking that as a no on the water,” she says. “And I'm going to leave now. I’m even going to be nice and not tell you who I saw go out to the backyard with Chrissy Orlando before we left the kitchen so you could dispose of your guts.”

“Dee?” Mac calls, as she pulls open the bathroom door, and she turns back to him.

“What?”

“Thanks,” he says, and she makes a face he can’t read.

“Whatever,” she mutters, and with half a smile as she turns away, she’s gone.

[cat-in-da-wall]

day 10 of sunny-tober :)

self-decided prompt: the gang and rainy weather

charlie kelly loves rain! the best part of childhood days for them was when it rained. mom never let him out of the house, called it downright dangerous and told him he'd hit his head. but he managed to sneak out, introducing mac to this later on. he jumps around the puddles, splashing in them and sometimes rolling around in them. something about the water calms him, like he can focus on the sound unless if the thunder gets too loud, then he usually scrambles under the nearest shelter, normally to hide from the sound. as he introduces it to mac, they do a lot more stomping than splashing in the puddles. one of his favourite things to do when it rains is go out and scoop frogs. he'll pick them up and look at them— which is how he learned the difference between what frogs were poisonous and what weren't. it's the first animal he learned about! sometimes, he'd take them home and try to take care of them but they usually ran away or died.

mac doesn't mind the rain. it's there, it isn't, he doesn't care. unless he has to go out, then he's mad. umbrellas are inefficient for moving and often slow him down or block his vision, which leaves him completely unprepared for attacks from anywhere outside the 180 degrees. but the other alternative? raincoats? they suck. they cover up his muscles and make him look like a shapeless blob, which he hates. how is that threatening? how is he supposed to protect anyone? he used to try crafting clear raincoats with charlie from plastic bags and other forms of trash, but they often ended up being one or less than one use only. it wasn't until dennis bought a clear raincoat for him that he felt like he could enjoy the rain again.

frank reynolds could not care less about the rain. sometimes they annoy him, he can't go outside without traffic or some dumb idiots waiting for the rain to pass because they weren't prepared. what he does hate, though, is his clothes getting all wet with no payoff. at least in the sewers, he's going through them, exploring places. but the rain? he has to face it. being short also means he can get mistaken for a kid when people tell him to move and he's got an umbrella. he loves the thunder and lightning though, they sound like a sign from the gods and truly make him feel alive most of the time.

dennis reynolds is a peculiar case. now, he usually pretends that the rain isn't there. he tries to ignore the pitter-pattering that almost drives him mad some days, something about the way it all happens at once and yet never ends. as a kid, he used to be terrified of the rain. well not necessarily the rain, but what it meant. that lightning and thunder were going to come and he hated that. the thought that loud and bright attacks were going to come? he would often hide under his covers, refusing to even step out of the room regardless. dee usually picked up on this, building him forts where the two of them played stupid board games until the rain passed. now? he tries to get mac to distract him and they usually watch a movie, where he ends up falling asleep and so does mac. in one way or another, the rain ends up being good for him.

dee reynolds despises the rain. when she had the metal back brace, that thing rusted like shit, so she wasn't able to do anything outdoors the second the drizzling began. she was basically stuck indoors with nothing to do, usually resulting in her trying to read or dance before getting bored and ending up eating or doing something completely stupid. thank god for dennis' fear of thunder and lightning, or she'd have had terrible childhood rainy days. now that she's older, it's just another bad day. somewhat bad ones. the depression is worse with the rain, it's true. she just feels downright sad and ends up isolating herself from people, unless she's already at the bar or with the gang. then she's usually able to distract herself from it. it wasn't until pretty recently when charlie introduced her to running around in the rain that it turned into something somewhat therapeutic sometimes, though only when she wasn't alone.

the gang has probably all gone out and run around in the rain with each other at least a couple times

[lefaystrent]

Can we get more of the Nursing Home AU please?

Part 1, Part 2

Virgil doesn’t always stay the newguy.

There’s a new new guy on theblock.

“You can call me Dee,” the man sayswhen Virgil meets the new physical therapist.

There are tattoos covering the lefthalf of his face, green scales running from his jaw to his hairline.

He’s also got heterochromia, theleft eye a glacial-blue and the right brown.

And he’s wearing a bowler hat andyellow gloves. Not as part of his uniform attire, but like as a life choice.

Virgil had never met an animebad-guy character in real life.

Virgil gives him a guarded waveinstead of shaking the hand he offers.

Dee retracts the hand after amoment, not showing the slightest bit of offense.

“Isn’t this great?” Patton saysfrom beside them, having brought them together to be introduced. “Meeting newpeople is fun!”

Virgil stares at him like he’sgrown another head.

How long had it taken Patton towarm up to Virgil?

Weeks? A couple months?

And now he was immediately chummywith this new guy who threw up more red flags than Virgil’s little prison stintever could?

Virgil gives the universe hismiddle finger.

The truth is Patton had beenalarmed when he first saw Dee.

But Dee is the smoothesttalker, able to charm anyone who gives him a fraction of a second.

“Society can be rather condemnatoryof those who dare to embrace individuality, don’t you think?” he had askedPatton upon first meeting.

“Oh yeah, absolutely,” Pattonnodded along, completely enamored.

After all, Patton had judged Virgilright off the bat without getting to know him, hadn’t he?

He didn’t want to make the samemistake twice.

“He seems nifty, yeah?” Patton asksVirgil for his opinion.

Virgil shrugs noncommittally. “Iguess.”

He inwardly grumbles to himselfthat the tattoos are actually really cool.

It’s so not fair. Who does this guythink he is? All that trying so hard to stand out will surely come to bite himin the end.

Virgil feels a little validatedwhen it does bite him.

Or rather Remus bites him.

“There’s a snake in our midst!”Remus hollers in faux-concern before cackling.

“You bit me! You actuallybit me!” Dee growls.

“That’ll be twenty bucks!” Remusholds his hand out expectantly.

Virgil has never been more proud ofthe crazy old coot than in this moment.

Logan tells Virgil his thoughts onthe new physical therapist later.

“He’s clearly well-read, cunning,and charming.”

“Sooo, you like him then?”

“I never said that. If nothingelse, I would not be opposed to challenging him to a game of chess. Which wouldsubsequently end in soul-crushing defeat for him, of course.”

“Logan buddy, have I ever told youhow much I appreciate you?”

Okay, so Logan might admittedly bea little salty that his ex-husband is enamored with the new physical therapist.

Roman is hit with Dee’s charm and‘cool’ aesthetic, and he can’t get over it.

“He looks like a Disney villain!”Roman raves.

Virgil silently agrees.

“And he’s just so smooth. Hepulls the look off so well, and he’s so smart! Why, if I was thirty yearsyounger . . .”

Virgil does not agree with this. Infact, Virgil very much disagrees with this and would like to stop talking aboutthis now.

Suffice it to say, there’s a lot ofhits and misses amongst the staff and old folk when it comes to the newphysical therapist. Lots of them fall for his charms. Others say he’s tryingtoo hard or the more religious elderly scoff in disdain at his looks and say,“He needs to go to church.”

As time goes by, Virgil finds outthat Dee is none of these things.

Okay, yeah, Dee is kinda trying toohard.

But more than anything, Dee’s justa huge dork.

Virgil catches him one day practicinglines in a mirror while he thinks no one else is around.

“Why yes, Patton. My hat really isname brand,” he says to his reflection in a silky tone. He frowns, adjustshis posture and tries again with a slightly different tone.

Virgil backs out of the room beforehe can be seen.

He walks away quickly, wonderingwhat he just witnessed.

Virgil never brings it up toanyone. He doesn’t know how to put what he saw into words anyway.

On a later day, Virgil is chillingin the break room getting his mac and cheese on.

Breaking news, the universe still hatesVirgil because Dee walks in to take his break as well.

Virgil pointedly ignores him.

Dee pointedly grabs his food fromthe fridge and sits down right in front of Virgil.

There are other seats in the room.

“Love the new eyeshadow, Virgil.Totally doesn’t make you look like you haven’t slept in a week.”

“This . . . is literally the sameeyeshadow I wear every day.”

“Really? Guess I’ve never noticed.”

Virgil grips his plastic forktighter and imagines Patton appearing beside him to say, “Stabbing people inthe eye is wrong, Virgil. Even if they are rude meanie butts.”

Instead, Virgil stabs viciouslyinto his bowl of cheesy noodles.

“Cool gloves, Dee,” he‘compliments’ back. “Where’d you get them? Your grandmother’s kitchen?”

Dee eyes his gloves. “. . . yesss.”

It’s not so much of a conversationas it is a series of thinly-veiled insults.

They end their break with no realwinner.

“I so enjoyed our lunch together,”Dee says afterwards. “We should definitely do this again sometime.”

Virgil still can’t tell whetherhe’s being serious or sarcastic.

So he points a finger at him.

“You’re on,” Virgil declares. Hewalks down the hall backwards, pointing between his eyes and Dee in theuniversal gesture to show he’s got his eye on him.

Whenever Virgil doesn’t spend hisbreaks with Patton, Dee appears.

They verbally spar each time.

It becomes a thing.

And Virgil’s . . . kinda havingfun, to be honest.

He still doesn’t trust that snakeface though!

They don’t always trade barbsthough. Sometimes they just sit in silence, too tired to do anything but eat andstare at their phones.

Virgil looks up one day and seeswhat Dee’s looking at.

“Is that Steven Universe?” Virgilasks.

Dee slams down his phone hardenough to shake the table. He’s sitting ramrod straight in his seat, wide-eyedgaze pointed at Virgil.

Virgil stares back with equallywide eyes. “Dude, I think you just cracked your phone.”

“Totally didn’t crack anything,”Dee says completely unconvincingly.

He gives in and sneaks a peak athis phone screen. Virgil can’t see it from where he sits, but he can see theway Dee winces.

“Just the screen protector, I’msure . . .”

“Uh . . . you should probablycheck?”

“Marvelous idea,” Dee agrees andproceeds to sit there staring down at his phone.

“Okaaay.” Virgil decides to duckout. He tosses his trash away and sweeps out the room.

For some unfathomable reason, helingers outside the door, just out of sight.

He peeks in after a minute.

Yes Dee is still sitting therelooking sadly at his phone.

“My phone . . .” Dee murmurs sadlyto himself.

Okay, that’s just low, universe.You can’t make the smarmy charmy dickbag look all sad and junk.

Alright, so Dee isn’t that muchof a dickbag as Virgil originally thought.

Still doesn’t help that Virgil haslike zero comforting skills. He hurries away to find Patton in hisoffice.

“Uh, you should like, dip into yourcookie stash and give Dee one or something,” Virgil suggests.

“What do you mean?” Patton asks, startledat Virgil’s abrupt appearance and even more random request.

“He’s in the breakroom and he’s sad.”

Patton rises up from his seat witha purpose and a bag of cookies suddenly in hand. “Say no more.”

 _______________________________________________________________

General Tag List: @spectralheartt @a-pastel-pan @notalwaysthevillian @rose-gold-roman @ijustrealizedhowdumbmynamewas @katie-the-noble-fangirl @yourroyalydramaticanxiousness @aroundofapplesauce @merlybird500 @beach-fan @jemthebookworm @whats-going-on-kiddos @randomsandersides @gamerfreddie @unring-this-bell @analogicallythinking @lilygold23 @levy-the-b00kw0rm @tacochippy @accio-hufflepuff-power1 @just-another-rainbowblog @georganabanana @grey-says-heck @crookedlyoptimisticdestiny @thesynysterunknown @idont-know-what-im-doing @idioticsky @fadingglowcloud @whizzie72 @theinvisiblespoon @greyyy523 @opaque-puppet @just-fic-me-up @wowimsogoddamnoriginal @sos-fandoms @loganeatsbooks @trust-is-overrated @theitalianalchemist @im-crunchie @mourning--star @4amanxiety @hogwarts-my-love @enby-phoenix @justanotherpurplebutterfly @internet-or-sleep @absolutesandersidestrash @seaspider10 @nonasficcollection @satanblessi @an-absolute-failure @analogical-mess @noisyeggpizzapatrol @hamilsandersfam @cefinitely-rolo @thgjclw @knight-shives @no-no-no-no-6 @savingshae @rabbitsartcorner @buddypallady @midnight-tragedyy @007ardra @fandomloverangel @dorkoverse @moodytrash06 @mirrorz-n-starz @idunnosong @lcrnbw @ollyollyoxinfree @cuter-on-the-inside

Nursing Home List: @thirteenashmctrash @figurative-falsehood @oddball-wqri @comicsimpson @hit-or-mish

[80alleycats]

Dee Day Thoughts and Analysis

Preface: For those who don’t know, I’m a homoromantic asexual woman of color (mostly black).

Anyways, unlike many folks on Tumblr, I did not have too much of a problem with this episode. It did feel kinda..”eh”...and it could have been much better, but I had some laughs and laughed more with this episode than last week’s episode.

Here are my thoughts on the controversies of the episode. They might help some hate the episode and/or RCGMegan less:

1. Yellow/Brown Face – When I first saw those costumes I was like “Oh, we’re doing that again.” But it didn’t surprise me too much. This has been a part of the show for a long time and the racist caricature characters are “old” characters (i.e. known to the audience and not new caricatures created for shits and giggles), so I’m kind of shocked that people are so shocked by this.

I love RCGMegan, but RCGMegan are just…white as fuck. As a person of color, my standards are low for white people. (I HATE that this sounds racist but y’all know what I’m talking about) Like, I can’t even be mad about it. I’m just glad that there were attempts™ to point out the racism and the shittiness of Dee’s characters, which is something they’ve always done as well.

I think RCGMegan really meant well. It’s PURE SPECULATION but it’s possible that that’s why they hired Pete Chatmon, a black man, to direct the episode. White people sometimes think that if they add a person/people of color to their group and they don’t say “PLEASE DON’T DO THIS THIS IS FUCKING DUMB” what they are doing is okay.

And even though this is PURE SPECULATION on my part, I think RCGMegan’s wellmeaningness is one of the reasons that Pete Chatmon chose to do the job and posted on Instagram that he had a good experience working with RCG and co.

I think RCGMegan were attempting to be “silly classic hijinks” Sunny but also “woke” Sunny but they are…white as fuck and sometimes just do not “get” it. (I get the vibe from interviews that they mentally/emotionally separate the show from themselves and from reality.) I hope they learn to chill out with the yellow/brown/red face one day because, even ignoring the racism issue, it’s SO BORING, but I don’t expect them to because…they are white as fuck. Some white people figure it out and stop doing awkward shit. But some just…don’t. Especially when they have a long history of doing questionable things.

For a person of color to be a fan of this show, we/they have to accept the nature of this show or just stop watching it. Those are the only real choices and both choices are valid.

I’ll admit that I think the “Asian driver” joke was actually somewhat funny because the purpose of the joke was to highlight the phenomenon of white people acting like they aren’t racist when they actually are and are too stupid and delusional to realize it (i.e. benevolent racism). I love attempts™ at highlighting benevolent racism because of the subtle and insidious nature of it.

__

2. Predatory Gay Mac – I get where people are coming from, but I feel like Mac’s homosexuality wasn’t the joke. I feel like the joke was that Mac was being a goofy idiot who happens to love Dennis, but can’t always express it properly. (example: Mac trying to get Dennis to get on stage with him so he could maybe kiss him…which is the kind of harebrained scheme you’d expect from a goofball 1st grader with a crush and not a full-grown 40 year old man)

Mac’s behavior in this episode was similar to Charlie’s messy over-the-top behavior towards the Waitress in previous episodes.

There was also the dual joke of Mac trying to “one-up” Charlie and so veering into accidental innuendo territory. (example: Mac repeating the comment Charlie said to Dennis about wanting to get in Dennis’ pants)

Also, it’s canon that Mac is often gross when it comes to sexuality in general and I think they were playing with that as well (example: the social network episode where Mac asked the distraught woman about where to find her leaked nude photos).

Everyone in the gang is gross when it comes to sexuality. I feel like a lot of fans forget that Dennis and Dee are canon rapists who usually rape the opposite sex (and Dennis has literally sexually assaulted Mac before even though he considered it a prank). Being an equal member of the Gang, I’m not surprised the writers decided to pass the baton to Mac this episode and even then Mac’s behavior in this episode was fairly tame (in the context of this show LOL).

And FINALLY, even though Dennis protested Mac trying to get them to kiss, I never got the vibe that Dennis was extremely uncomfortable. I think it was just supposed to be a typical “Dennis is annoyed at Mac because Mac is being stupid” reaction. Mac gets on Dennis’ nerves sometimes, but Dennis loves and accepts him and all his weird and stupid behavior. I don’t believe it’s even possible for Mac to make Dennis extremely comfortable. Like, these two are pretty much a hivemind…

__

3. Charlie and Dennis Kiss Scene - I TOTALLY GET THE DISCOMFORT WITH THIS. And while the second kiss was actually a surprisingly good kiss (Charlie and Glenn can ACT), the scene wasn’t really funny. It was just like “Why? What am I supposed to be getting from this?”

One criticism I’ve seen is that the scene was saying two men kissing is gross (i.e. homophobia). But I don’t think that was the purpose. It honestly reminded me of the awkward attempted kiss scene between Mac and Dee when they were playing characters in one of the lethal weapon episodes.

Another criticism I’ve seen is that Dee (who, as we know, raped Charlie) forced two child abuse victims to kiss. VALID CRITICISM. But when it comes to the characters: they just don’t give a shit. Charlie still hangs out with Dee and considers her a friend (which is COMPLETELY different than how he sees Uncle Jack). Dennis loves her and hangs out with her. Notice that they were more concerned with coming across as homophobic (which is so, so stupid but typical of them) and they hated that they had cheese breath.

And keep in mind that even though it was Dee Day and they were “supposed” to do what she says, they didn’t have to. They treat Dee like garbage 364 days of the year with little remorse and she always come back to them. I feel like the implication is that they CHOSE to do the kiss, considered it gross but didn’t consider it a big deal, and would not compare it to their child abuse experiences.

Dee’s behavior analysis: The previous season’s Mac/Charlie/Frank orgy with the Dennis doll that she watched permanently fucked her up. Like, she knows she’s making the Gang uncomfortable, but she’s lost the ability to comprehend how abnormal her behavior is. Boundaries are gone in her mind. In her mind, she’s simply teasing them and they’ll be fine no matter what happens.

I know people identify with the characters because of their personal experiences and I get that. I get that people have strong feelings about these characters and it’s totally understandable and valid. But I think we have to be careful not to project too much on the characters and instead try to keep in mind how the characters are instead of how we think they are. Like, It’s Always Sunny in Philadelphia has a ton of dark elements, but it’s a relatively upbeat show that often doesn’t take itself too seriously.

This is PURE SPECULATION but I got the vibe from the second kiss that “someone” (possibly Megan?) wanted to do a CharDen scene but needed to do it in the spirit of IASIP (awkward situations + the Gang willing to do anything if they are passionate enough about it) and that scene was the result. It’s also possible that it was the result of some kind of RCG “in-joke” that they didn’t realize might not translate very well on the screen to certain audience members.

At the end of the day, I think it was just supposed to be a goofy “lolwut the Gang is so wacky” scene and it’s not meant to be psychoanalyzed the way certain things on the show are.

 __

4. Dennis Without His Make-Up – I get people’s concerns about this. But the show has occasionally made fun of Dennis’ self-esteem issues concering his looks throughout the show, so this is nothing new. I feel that the scene was designed to make you feel sorry for Dennis, but also it was supposed to just be classic Sunny. Like him hitting on the congresswoman wasn’t just funny because he looked “off,” but because he just kept saying weird and awkward shit to her (similar to the scene in Season 13 where he was trying and failing to hit on the fantasy baseball woman). 

And keep in mind that the rest of the Gang kept reassuring Dennis that he looked fine even after the scheme, which was sweet. The same cannot be said about Dee. She’s received a lot more abuse from the Gang and only scraps of affection and reassurance from them to the point where she always lights up when they show her basic kindness. If Dee (and we) can handle Dee’s abuse, Dennis (and we) can handle Dennis’ abuse. And, as mentioned above, he did not have to remove his make-up. He chose to do it and he chose to deal with the consequences of that. But he’ll be fine.

 __

5. There was not enough focus on Dee – 100% agree. Nothing else to add. LOL.

[theentiregdtime]

So I’ve been seeing a lot of posts lately about how Mac deserves so much better than Dennis, and if he ends up with Dennis, it will basically be an act of kindness and self-assured destruction. To be fair, that’s somewhat true- I mean, that’s the whole point of the first episode of Season 13. Even though their lives are considerably better without Dennis, the rest of the gang will still choose him time and time again and deal with the consequences, because they’re all codependent to some extent (although you could argue Dennis is actually the most codependent of all of them). But they’re all pieces of shit, they’re all terrible people who deserve nothing, including Mac (I mean, we love them, but they’re just terrible). Mac is not some pure little angel baby who has done everything right and is the light to Dennis darkness or whatever. No one ever wants to talk about how often Mac breaks Dennis’ heart. Granted, everything I’m about to cite may be due to his obliviousness, ignorance, and inner turmoil... but the same is true for the way Dennis treats Mac. It’s a double standard (more below the cut because this got long). 🐸☕️

In the early seasons, Dennis is clearly more confident with his sexuality and more capable of expressing emotions. In general, he’s a much more real and honest person, and he’s not hiding behind a fabricated version of himself like he is now. Now, that may have been because his character wasn’t completely solidified at the time, but either way, it’s still canon. Time and time again, everyone (including Mac) shut Dennis down when sexuality or emotions were brought up. Every time he had big, loud, genuine feelings, the gang got confused and wrote him off and acted like he was being a total weirdo. Mac has historically been very in-your-face about his condemnation of gay relationships as well, and every time, Dennis has reacted by dismissing him or punishing him in one way or another. Hearing that shit over and over again has obviously been pretty tiring for Dennis, especially if you subscribe to the Season 5 theory (if you do, ouch, it’s not fucking fun to be messing around with someone who’s ashamed of you and thinks they’re committing a sin)- and that’s only the extent of it we see onscreen. What we don’t see is how many times Mac has rebuked gay relationships all throughout his friendship with Dennis, in high school and when Dennis was in college and basically their entire lives. As long as Dennis has known Mac, he’s reiterated over and over again that being gay is a sin, and it continues to drive Dennis further and further back into himself (whether you argue that he’s bisexual or gay, he clearly isn’t straight, yet he’s devolved into flat out stating that he is in the most recent season). Mac repeatedly retreats to women he cares nothing for rather than being with Dennis because it’s a safety net (and yes, I’ll give you that Dennis does this, too). Then Mac suddenly whips back around and is out and confident and openly calls himself gay at every given opportunity- and that has to be a punch to the gut. The way he felt about Dennis, how much he loved him, was never enough to make him comfortable in his sexuality. In Goes To Hell, Mac’s coming out is partially a love confession for Dennis as well, which is made quite clear when they’re drowning- then he takes it back at the end. But he comes out over a goddamn lottery ticket and stays out. That has to sting. (Not only does it sting, but it means Dennis actually has to deal with his feelings, but that’s a whole other can of worms I’m not opening right now).

And it’s more than just Mac’s religion and his fight against gay relationships. It’s instances like the one in Beats Boggs. For a moment, Dennis quite visibly gets his hopes up that Mac might be kind to him, might ask him to stay because he cares about him and enjoys his company because he’s his best friend and doesn’t want him to go. And then he doesn’t- he just marks him out of the competition. Dennis’ face clearly screams why did I expect anything more? This is not an isolated incident. In both Beats Boggs and DDL, all it would have taken for Dennis to stay would have been Mac asking him to- but he never does. All Dennis ever needs is one good reason to stay, and Mac never gives him one, reassuring Dennis over and over again that he doesn’t care if he stays or goes, doesn’t need him, which has to hurt. Mac is often comfortable writing Dennis off immediately. He never fights for him. If Dennis leaves, then he leaves, and Mac adapts. In Tends Bar, after knowing him basically his entire life, Mac still thinks Dennis doesn’t have feelings! He sees Dennis on such a surface level sometimes, actually believes the front he puts up, but doesn’t see what’s underneath, doesn’t see the real Dennis. Everything in Dennis is clearly constantly begging for Mac to just see him and really know him. Dennis knows Mac better than he knows himself and Mac... sometimes doesn’t really know Dennis at all. Dennis basically has to kick and scream and shove it in Mac’s face for him to actually comprehend what he’s saying, thinking, or feeling.

And Dennis doesn’t want to have to be loud- he’s not ready to be loud. He wants Mac to look at him and just know what he’s feeling, because he should, because they’ve known each other forever and they’re best friends. But Mac is more or less incapable of noticing anything Dennis doesn’t clearly state. When Dennis snaps and goes against the character of himself he’s constantly playing, Mac is confused and surprised by it- just as much as Charlie and Dee are and even complete strangers are. Dealing with Mac can be like dealing with a dog at times. He loves Dennis unconditionally but doesn’t always know why, he’s adaptable and moves on a thousand times faster than Dennis can (Dennis honestly can’t- there could be a thousand people out there for Mac, but there is no one else for Dennis), he’s easily distracted and confused and hardly ever sees past the surface (he doesn’t even understand why his own actions frustrate Dennis sometimes, even when it’s pretty obvious as to why), he can be perfectly carefree and happy while Dennis is going through hell, he’s impossible to talk to a lot of the time and he pretty much doesn’t see Dennis on a deeper level than anyone else does, despite knowing him and loving him for so many years. But Dennis continues to want Mac’s approval and reassurance and love, very clearly thrives off of it, and this isn’t a goddamn power play or some sort of dominance/ego trip bullshit. I see that as part of the “Mac deserves better”’ argument so often and it’s not the case. Sure, Dennis has an image of himself, and sure, he cares about his reputation, but that’s not why he wants and needs Mac’s approval. He needs it because it makes him feel validated and happy and safe.

So yes, Mac could easily do better than Dennis, but he probably doesn’t deserve it. That’s the whole point of the show- these people are together because no one else wants to be friends with them. They stay together because they’re pieces of shit and all they have is each other. Mac is not an innocent, pure baby who’s been trampled on by Dennis the entire goddamn time. They’re both awful, they’ve both hurt one another over and over and over again, and they’re both terrible at recognizing Dennis’ feelings. If Dennis works overtime to stifle them and Mac can’t see past the charade, then how are his emotions ever supposed to come into the light? How are they going to move past that if Mac can’t see below the surface, if Dennis has to scream it aloud just to get him to understand? One can only hope they figure that out.

And if they do, it won’t be Mac staying with Dennis as an act of kindness and generosity, it won’t be Mac refusing to do better because he’s blindly in love, it won’t be Mac having a thousand options but choosing Dennis anyways. It isn’t any of that. People so consistently want to pretend that’s the case and none of that is true- and even if it is, then the reverse is also true.

They both deserve better and they both deserve nothing, simultaneously. They’ve both broken each other’s hearts time and time again, they’re both equally as awful, and yeah- maybe Dennis needs Mac more than Mac needs Dennis, but that’s just another example of what’s made Dennis so insecure and desperate. This is not some light vs darkness, manipulative, unevenly balanced relationship dynamic as people so often want to portray it. It’s just two shitty people (and let me reiterate, I absolutely love them) who should probably be in jail, who are so emotionally damaged and repressed and fragile, who don’t ever get the timing or the words quite right and who are always so close to figuring it out yet so far away. But they’re going to figure it out, and when they do, when they can finally be honest for the first time in forever, they’re going to deserve to be so happy. Sometimes two awful people deserve each other and sometimes that’s perfect. No one is going to be settling. No one is going to be surrendering. No one is going to deserve better. They deserve exactly as much as each other and nothing more. 

[ashwayssunny]

carry that weight.

hello! here’s a lil fic that nobody asked for. aka, dennis spends the night on the couch. set during “the gang gets romantic,” so it’s tagged for spoilers! warnings for brief mentions of v*miting, drug use, and dennis-typical creepiness.

Like most nights, he couldn’t sleep. He’d felt a headache building for hours, had known it would be a nasty one as soon as the woman Mac had unceremoniously decided to pair him with revealed she was no single woman after all. He wasn’t sure if he’d lost interest in the scheme then, or if he’d simply never had any to begin with. Either way, he’d had to swallow his complaints. It would’ve been so simple - should’ve been so simple - for him to crawl into Mac’s bed, drift away, and forget the scheme altogether, but the way his skin burned like he’d laid down on a bed of hot coals told him it simply would not be. 

The couch was not meant to host an overnight guest. It was uncomfortable on the best of days, and today was not one of its best days. It was cold, the leather warped and torn in odd places, and so lumpy, Dennis felt as if he were trying to get comfortable on the head of a giant mushroom. He was cold, too, as he always was, and the throw blanket he must’ve stolen from his sister no less than ten years ago offered him no support. He dreaded the way his back would ache in the morning, and the thought of it was almost enough to send him running back to Mac’s room with his tail between his legs. Almost. 

The woman - Lisa, he remembered vaguely, though he’d thought he’d made it a rule for himself that knowing their names cheapened the experience - was attractive enough. Slender figure, inauspicious features, a face he’d forget once it wriggled out from underneath him. He liked redheads. Mac knew that, of course. Mac seemed to know many things about him; Dennis didn’t know why that surprised him after nearly twenty-five years of cohabitation. I know you, man, Mac had said to him once in a way that sounded quite like he was saying something else. Dennis remembered fighting back tears for the first time since childhood. Mac was so close, he thought, just in the other room, nothing but paint and drywall between them. If Dennis concentrated hard enough, he could make out the sound of him snoring obscenely; he pictured Mac’s arms and legs tossed haphazardly over themselves, knew he was drooling into his one and only pillowcase-less pillow. He wondered, if he had stayed, if Mac would be drooling into his shoulder instead. 

Dennis rolled onto his side, pushing those thoughts away. The current occupants of his room seemed to still be awake; the walls in their apartment would certainly win no awards for protecting anyone’s privacy, and despite his best efforts to soundproof the room, sound escaped just as frequently and as forcefully as so many failed sexual escapades that passed through that very same door. Twenty-five years’ worth of sexual escapades. Dennis tried not to think too hard about how long twenty-five years truly was. Until recently, he’d been twenty-five in his head, willfully ignorant of the passage of time, but now as he stared down the reality of being nearly twice that age, the bliss that came with his willful ignorance had all but disappeared. At twenty-five, he could shoot tequila till the sun came up, sleep for a few hours, and go on about his day, rinsing and repeating each night in a pattern that became as comfortable and familiar to him as waking up and falling asleep. He would always vomit, of course, because a weak stomach and an easily triggered gag reflex was something, among other things he didn’t care to admit, he shared with his twin sister. Now he was lucky if vomiting was all that came of nights like that. After thirty-five, his hangovers seemed to evolve, lasting days and robbing him of usefulness for what seemed like weeks, like months, like years. Now, pushing forty-five, it was not so easy to rinse and repeat. 

A brief but unmistakable sob came from his room, and Dennis rolled his eyes but was secretly grateful for distraction. His thoughts returned to the woman, Lisa. He remembered trying to stare at her. It wasn’t unusual; he often studied his targets, drank them in like a smooth crème de menthe. He knew it made them uneasy, and he’d liked it that way. But his eyes kept drifting, and it was jarring to him in a way he could not pinpoint. He didn’t feel anything when he looked at her; then again, he didn’t feel anything when he looked at any of them, but a deep, burning lust that boiled in his brain and in his stomach and told him he would combust if he didn’t touch someone was ever-present. Or it had been. It wasn’t now, and that was most jarring of all. Lisa was attractive enough; sweet-faced, red-haired, curvy in the best places, and totally, completely uninteresting to him. He wondered if something in him was broken for good this time, if he could never get it back, if he even wanted to get it back. If he even wanted anything at all. 

Another sob choked its way through the silence of their apartment, grating on Dennis’s eardrums. He groaned aloud, hating Mac for putting him through this. He considered turning on the TV in the living room and popping in a Rambo DVD just to rattle him awake with the sound of gunfire. When more muffled whimpering made him clench his fists tightly to his body, he decided he needed some other noise, anything else, to drown it out. He reached for his phone across the coffee table, sliding past the home screen and opening his Spotify app. With shaky hands, he pressed the ‘shuffle’ button on a Rock Classics playlist, closing his eyes and placing his phone next to his ear. Soft, simple piano chords started to loosen the knot in his chest, and when Paul McCartney’s sweet voice began to dance against his eardrum, he smiled in spite of himself. His eyes drifted shut. “Once there was a way to get back homeward,” Paul sang, “once there was a way to get back home...”

He’d tried to look at her legs. He’d forced himself to stare. They were nice enough, as was the curve of her ass, but he felt no familiar twinge of desire. Why couldn’t he just look at her legs? Instead, he felt fear. Months could by at times without him feeling anything at all, and though that frightened him, he knew he could substitute physical arousal for emotion with a relatively high rate of success. It didn’t make him feel happy, but it made him feel something. And that counted. Every drop of water in the desert of his emotional terrain was appreciated, was needed. Like any desert, he could dry up for months, not a feeling in sight, but once the rainy season began, it ran its course with such forceful agony, he wondered if the therapist he’d seen with Dee so many years ago was on to something after all. 

“Sleep, pretty darling, do not cry...”

Why had he agreed to the scheme at all? As the verses repeated, he turned the question over and over in his mind, poking holes in his own arguments, tearing down his own defenses. Obviously he’d done the scheme to satisfy Mac, but... why? Dennis bristled at the thought of Mac having purposefully booked a married couple to force Dennis into his room, but his reaction to the unfortunate existence of Lisa’s husband seemed genuine. Dennis knew Mac well enough to know when he was lying. He paused, considering that thought. He’d seen Mac lie through his teeth a thousand times, and he was bad at it because Dennis knew that he wore his heart on his sleeve, but how many others knew that about him? How many others could sniff out Mac’s lies, pick his laugh out of a crowd of a thousand, recognize even the faintest hint of his scent when Mac’s clothes inevitably mixed with some of his own in the wash? I know you, man, Mac’s voice whispered in his head. 

Lisa, he said to himself. He needed to think about Lisa. Lisa, with her red hair and her red, snotty nose and her husband. Dennis nearly scoffed. What a ridiculous thing to want to have. Perhaps if he tried hard enough, conjured Lisa’s face above Jackie DeNardo’s chest, it would work. He could rub out a quick one and be asleep in twenty minutes. For whatever reason, however, his mind’s eye could not linger on her. Lisa’s face warped and changed shape, shifting into something so unrecognizable, he could not remember it at all. What was it he’d said to Mac earlier? That this whole thing felt desperate, felt unlike him? Odd, he conceded, for a man who once purchased a boat to help him attract women. But Dennis had run the same course, danced the same steps so many times between twenty-five and forty-five, he’d finally begun to dream about packing up his tap shoes and retiring the show for good. Performing, yes, it was all a performance - albeit an excellent one, he gave himself - but a performance nonetheless, and one he feared may finally be better left to a younger man. But perhaps he could do it. Dennis Reynolds had done everything in his life with grace, with poise and mystique. Why should aging be any different? He could retire the skin of his old self like a baseball jersey; some ill-fitting thing at which he could look back and smile but no longer had the power to squeeze him to fit its mold. Yes, that would be nice. 

The drums cascaded like a waterfall down the track and forced in a new tune. “Boy, you’re gonna carry that weight, carry that weight a long time...”

And what would be left there, in the empty space between the old Dennis and the new? Dennis swallowed hard without meaning to as another face took shape in his mind, a much more familiar face. Mac smiled at him so sweetly that morning, his giddiness about scheming together again palpable in the air. Mac smiled at him earlier, too, lying next to him silently, their arms brushing just enough to set that part of Dennis’s skin on fire. Mac had always looked at him that way. It made him seem younger. Dennis wondered if perhaps that was because it reminded him of high school, of smoking pot underneath the stadium bleachers, of Mac staying late at his house and beating him for fifteen rounds of Killer Instinct just so he wouldn’t have to go home. Mac still looked at him that way, even when that Dennis and the Dennis he was now seemed lifetimes apart. 

“Boy, you’re gonna carry that weight, carry that weight a long time...”

Feet moving before he even made the conscious decision, Dennis slinked off the couch, feeling his way through the darkness until his fingers curled around Mac’s doorknob. Yes, maybe he’d done the scheme to make Mac happy, to spend time with him, to make-believe their friendship hadn’t taken a turn for the worst in recent years. Dennis knew he had to shoulder most of the blame, but perhaps it didn’t have to be that way. He was so tired of performing, so tired of playing a character that nobody, especially Mac, believed in anymore. And if Mac already knew him, truly knew him in the way that he had so long feared being known, then why play the character at all? 

Dennis assuredly but slowly creaked open Mac’s door, shuffling forward until he nearly tripped over the bare mattress. Mac was snoring, but the sound was familiar, and Dennis was suddenly tired enough to deal with it. He laid down as quietly as possible, but Mac’s cheap old mattress practically screamed beneath him, and Mac rolled over, eyes wide and stark white in the darkness, searching until he found Dennis’s face. 

“Den?” he asked. “What are you doing?” 

“Shhhh, go to sleep,” Dennis said, slipping his legs underneath Mac’s blanket. He curled his arms inward on his chest, contouring his body to fit around Mac’s shape without actually touching him. Mac didn’t protest, only sighed softly and inched just a bit closer. “The couch was killing my back,” Dennis whispered, and Mac chuckled. 

“Figured,” he yawned, rolling back over. Dennis’s eyes popped open, and he stared at the back of Mac’s head for a long moment before swallowing and letting out a little yawn himself. He released the tension he’d been holding since that morning in his jaw, and with the familiar scent of Mac’s hair gel on their shared pillow consuming him, sleep finally came. 

[tonysopranosfeverdreams]

What about...... prompts 76 and 2 for macden

2. “Because I love you!”

76. “You don’t need to pretend.” 

aIso, I  want to say this fic was influenced by an ask the lovely Michelle @globrights sent me about Dennis drunkenly confessing his love for Mac in front of the gang, and hours and hours of me and ellie @softglenn crying about Mac and Dennis’s relationship from Dennis’s point of view over the past few days.

“Someone’s wasted,” Dee snorts.

“Am not!” Dennis slurs indignantly, pointing an accusatory finger at Dee “Everything’s just a little spinny, s’all”

Five PM finds Dennis slouched over, struggling to stay upright on his barstool. When he’d woken up that morning, it was to an empty apartment, and a granola bar sitting on the kitchen counter next to a note in Mac’s haphazard  scrawl reading: “In sewers with Charlie. C u at bar :)- M.”

Dennis scowled. Charlie had been going on lately about some sort of gnome-type creature that  hid jewels and gold coins all over the city sewers overnight, convinced that if he were to hit the right locations at all the right times, he’d be sure to strike gold. Of course he’d managed to convince Mac to go with him. Idiot.

Dennis  starting to crumble the note in his hand before stopping himself, smoothing it out and running his fingertips over the creases of the paper, before abruptly shaking his head and stuffing it begrudgingly in his back pocket. He ignored the granola bar and let the door slam behind him on his way out.

It’s not like it was a huge deal, it’s just not the start Dennis had pictured to his day. Normally, Mac would wake up before Dennis and put the coffee on, filling up Dennis’s travel mug, and greeting him with a sleepy  smile when Dennis finally trudges into the kitchen. Normally, Mac sits next to Dennis in the Rover on the way to work, shoulders just brushing as Mac yawns sleepily beside him, babbling about what he wants to have for dinner that night or  something funny Charlie had said while high and trying to change the radio to his own favorite stations when he thinks Dennis won’t notice. Dennis usually pretends not to, listens to Mac hum along under his breath instead.

Dennis is just used to it, is the thing.

So,  when Dennis got to the bar, he had started with the half-empty bottle of tequila he kept behind the fire extinguisher (in case of an emergency), eventually moving on to whiskey once he’d polished the bottle off.

Several long, self-pity filled hours and approximately five beers later, Dennis finds himself seriously weighing the pros and cons of slamming his head repeatedly against the bartop to drown out the sound of Dee who, convinced she has some sort of superior psychic ability, has been having Frank think of a number between 1 and 100 and then trying to guess it for the better part of the day (she hadn’t guessed correctly once).

When Mac and Charlie erupt through the bar door, empty handed and covered in splotches of dirt, talking excitedly about a sewer rat they had seen that Mac swears was twice as big as Poppins, Dennis is  done.

Dennis attempts to hoist himself to his feet, accidentally wrapping one ankle around the  foot of his bar stool, and finding himself flat on his back, blinking confusedly up at his friends.

Mac rushes instantly to Dennis’s side, wrapping an arm around his shoulder to urge him upright, and inspecting his head for any sign of a bump.

“Someone’s wasted,” Dee snorts.

“Am not!” Dennis slurs indignantly, pointing an accusatory finger at Dee “Everything’s just a little spinny, s’all”

“Up we go, that’s it,” Mac mutters, hoisting Dennis by his armpits into a standing position, apparently satisfied that Dennis hadn’t managed to give himself any significant brain damage. Dennis sways against him as soon  his feet find the ground, and Mac immediately slides one arm around his back, clutching at his waist to steady him.

In lieu of a retort, Dee simply raises one eyebrow. Luckily, Mac has his back. Mac always his back, Dennis thinks.

“Shut up Dee, it’s your fault for letting him drink so much this early in the day. This wouldn’t have even happened in the first place if I had been here.”

“Wait, wait…wait,” Dennis wrinkles his brow, frowning up at Mac and then looking back at Dee “you guys aren’t the bosses…. o’ me….”

“I know, buddy,” Mac replies, good-naturedly, giving Dennis a placating little pat on the top of his head. Dennis, too wasted to take it at anything other than face value, nods contentedly and smirks back at Dee.

“I’m his sister, not his babysitter,” Dee retorts, “in case you’ve forgotten, some of us actually have other things to do than sit and worry about Dennis 24/7.”

At this point, Dennis’s head is lolling against Mac’s shoulder, and from this angle he can see Mac’s expression contort with anger, brow furrowing. He’s about to reply to Dee when Dennis cuts him off.

“Y’ shouldn’t… do that, y’know” Dennis prods Mac in the chest with one finger. Mac immediately looks down, his anger fading into an inquisitive look.

“What’s that, Dennis?” Mac asks, genuinely curious.

“Your face, it gets all…..squished up….. when it’s mad……….s’not as pretty.”

Mac gawks at him slightly, mouth agape.

Distantly Dennis hears Charlie squeal “Oh shit” in that urgent, high-pitched tone of his.

Dee narrows her eyes, pausing for a moment before asking  “Are we sure he doesn’t have a concussion?”

Mac’s still staring speechlessly down at Dennis, who’s still peering up at Mac’s face with an almost cartoonish look of concentration on his own face.

“Your eyes are pretty though…….they’re always pretty…..” Dennis hiccups here, “s’like they’re brown but they’re not brown……they’ve got these flecks of gold and there’s green around the rim. Like the edge of a…a big muddy  puddle…” Dennis finishes, solemnly.

Mac shakes his head, apparently  snapping himself out of whatever trance he was in, and  laughing.

“Okay, Robert Frost, let’s  get you home,” he readjusts his grip on Dennis’s waist, so Dennis’s weight is resting more securely against him. “Charlie, can you grab his sweater for me?”

Dennis yawns into Mac’s shoulder as Charlie hurries to get Dennis’s pull-over sweater from where it’s hanging by the door.

“‘M tired.”

“I know buddy, we’ll be home soon, then you can rest,” Mac grabs the sweater from Charlie.

“Arms up now,” Mac mutters, soothingly, holding the sweater over Dennis’s head, and working Dennis’s arms into the sleeves as gently as possible, “that’s a good boy.”

“There,” Mac proclaims, smiling proudly once Dennis is fully donning the garment “Good to go.”

Mac starts steering Dennis toward the door, when he notices Dennis stopping, not moving with him quite as easily. Mac frowns, finding Dennis stood looking at him with an odd, indiscernible look on his face.

“You okay, dude?”

“Mac…Mac….you’re so nice…even when….. I’m not that nice to you………why are you….so nice to me?”

Mac snorts, incredulously, like the question had never even occurred to him, like there was never another alternative.

“You’re my best friend, dude,” Mac replies, simply, cheerily “someone’s gotta make sure you  don’t pass out in your own puke, and that’s gonna  be me.”

Suddenly, Dennis’s face breaks out in a giddy, knowing smile.

“Oh dude. It’s because you love me…..” Dennis giggles, delightedly, playing  absently with the collar of Mac’s shirt “it’s because you toootttttalllllly love me dude!”

Mac’s entire body tenses against Dennis , and his face goes blank, shooting  an anxious glance back  at the rest of the gang, who are watching on like they’re watching a car crash in slow motion.

Mac takes a moment, clears his throat, before making to move them toward the door again.

“Anyway, we really should be going..” Mac starts in a strained voice, before Dennis cuts him off.

“You wanna know a secret?” Dennis asks, in what he probably thinks is a whisper, but really is loud enough that the whole gang can hear, leaning close to Mac’s face, eyes wide and so honest Mac can’t help but give a genuine response, the tension slowly draining from his face.

“It’s like… it’s a  secret …okay?” Dennis starts, entirely seriously looking at Mac for validation. Mac nods solemnly, clearly eager for Dennis to get whatever’s going on off of his chest so they can finally get going.

“It’s a secret because…I know you don’t think I do….but I love you too.” Dennis giggles deliriously, like he’s just told a human truth so poignant, so groundbreaking, he can’t quite believe it himself.

Mac’s jaw hits the floor, catches Dee’s eye, who by now has gone completely white. Charlie and Frank exchange startled glances.

“Holy shit,” Frank swears.

***

The first thing Dennis is aware of upon waking is the weight of what feelings like a bowling ball bearing down on his forehead. The second is that something about the situation is different, out of place. Even with his eyes closed, Dennis can sense the abrasive late morning sunlight pressing heavily against his eyelids, which wouldn’t be strange, except for the fact that Dennis tends to keeps his blinds closed, curtains drawn to prevent exactly these types of occurrences. It’s once he opens his eyes that Dennis realizes exactly why the situation feels strange.

He’s in Mac’s room, still on top of the covers, but under an old fleece throw that he thinks Mac’s had since high school. Dennis eyes his surroundings warily, still struggling to get his bearings, and notices his jeans and shirt folded and piled neatly on a chair next to Mac’s bed, his sneakers set on the ground in front of them. Further inspection reveals he’s still in his boxers and wearing a large,  worn t-shirt that Dennis thinks he recognizes as one of Mac’s usual sleep shirts, from the mornings he’d trudge into the kitchen first thing, hair wild and face soft (from the particularly rough nights, the nights when sleep wouldn’t come and  Dennis would relent and climb into Mac’s bed and burrow into the space between his arms, sliding his hand under the soft fabric to rest against the small of Mac’s back).

Mac. Dennis’s heart plummets into his stomach as he recalls flashes of the prior evening; Mac’s hands gentle on his shoulders, his arms, as he helped Dennis into his jacket. The faint smell of Mac’s cologne mixed with sweat as Dennis leaned heavily into his shoulder. Mac, sitting him on the edge of the bed getting to his knees in front of him to untie his laces, help him out of  his shoes. The indescribable, indecipherable look on Mac’s face when Dennis had said….

Dennis jolts upward on the bed, feeling the bile rising in his throat, thinking, for a moment. he’s going to get sick all over Mac’s blankets and pillows, right here in front of God and all of his saints, and the statue of Jesus on the  cross that’s currently staring him down from his position on Mac’s dresser.

The first thing Dennis notices when he emerges from Mac’s bedroom is the smell of slightly burnt toast, mingling with freshly brewed coffee. He glances over at the living room couch, noting a cocoon of blankets and a single pillow on the sofa. Where Mac must have slept, he thinks, absently.

Stepping  gingerly into the kitchen, he spots Mac at the stove, back to him as he works his spatula across a pan of what appears to be scrambled eggs, one of the few foods Mac knows that Dennis will eat when he’s having a bad eating day or extremely hungover. It’s when Mac pauses in his ministrations to snatch the toast out of the toaster that he notices Dennis standing across from him, eyes unfocused and blinking, looking small and disoriented in Mac’s big t-shirt.

“Hey,” Mac offers softly, giving Dennis a small smile, guarded but sincere. Dennis manages a weak smile back, desperately wishing, suddenly,  he’d had the presence of mine to run a comb through his hair, at least, done something, anything,  to make himself look slightly less like death warmed over.

There’s a cup of coffee accompanied by a glass of orange juice and a bottle of aspirin out on the table in the place where Dennis usually sits, and Dennis slowly makes his way over to his chair, gulping down the aspirin and juice gratefully as Mac places plates of scrambled eggs and toast at the center of the table. Mac stops to pour himself a cup of coffee, before sliding into the chair across from Dennis.

Dennis is quiet, sipping cautiously from his own mug. The fact that the coffee is fixed up exactly to his liking (a splash of french vanilla creamer, one sugar) doesn’t escape his notice. Something in his chest aches for reasons he can’t explain, and when he puts his mug back down on the table, he finds Mac’s eyes already on him.

“You should eat, you know,” Mac offers, matter-of-factly, “it’s the only cure to a hangover. The grease from the eggs neutralizes all of the alcohol in your stomach, and makes you feel more better.”

Dennis raises an eyebrow,  looking skeptically back at Mac, but Mac looks so earnest, so concerned, that he helps himself to a spoonful of eggs and a piece of toast with only  minimal grumbling. Dennis can still feel Mac watching him, and under his open, searching gaze, Dennis feels flushed and clumsy, suddenly, staring resolutely at his plate.

“Dennis,” Mac starts, and the tone of his voice is almost unbearably gentle, like he’s trying to sooth a spooked horse, and one misstep might cause Dennis to run as quickly as possible in the opposite direction. “I think we have to  talk about this.”

Dennis laughs, not necessarily cruelly, but as if what Mac had just proposed was truly absurd. He’s trying to avoid direct eye contact, but he doesn’t miss the flash of hurt laced with confusion that crosses Mac’s face. He wants to apologize, suddenly, but for what exactly, he isn’t sure. Instead, he shovels a forkful of runny eggs into his mouth instead, silently willing himself not to gag  as his stomach lurches in protest.

“Don’t be fucking ridiculous. Pass me the jam.”

Dennis was attempting to deflect, to intimidate Mac into stopping the conversation before it even started, but he knows his voice comes out choked and thin. Mac, for his part, doesn’t appear ready to give up so easily. Dennis is using his fork to pick at his food, almost aggressively, but  stills his movements as Mac reaches careful across the small table to softly, softly, set rest his hand on top of the fist Dennis has formed around his fork in a death grip. Dennis stares, helplessly, at the places where the tips of Mac’s fingers rest gently against the back of his knuckles. Mac’s voice gets somehow softer.

“Den, it’s just me. Please, talk to me”

Dennis pulls his hand back like it’s been burned, fork clattering to the ground, Mac watching on, mouth slightly agape in confusion.

“Fuck, Mac,”  Dennis rubs the back of his hand wearily across his eyes, barking out a weak, deflated sort of chuckle.

When Mac speaks next, it’s evenly and with great effort, his voice heavy with sadness.

“You say you love me, and then you push me away, or say you hate me and don’t want me near you or whatever. I don’t know what to do, man” Mac’s voice breaks, here, and something does a somersault in Dennis’s chest. “I don’t know what to do to make you happy.”

Dennis sees red.

“You want to know what the funniest part is?” Dennis starts, before he can stop himself. “Do you know what’s the most hilarious thing about this entire goddamn  dumpster fire of a situation? You always say I don’t do anything for you.”

Dennis pauses, shaking his head on a deep inhale, before finally lifting his gaze to lock eyes with Mac.

“Dennis,” Mac breathes out, feeling like he’s suffocating, like Dennis had sucked the breath right out of his lungs.

“But this entire time, I was doing it for you. It was all for you. And you fucking ruined it!”

There’s a beat where everything’s silent, and a cold wave panic crashes over Dennis, as he watches Mac struggle to digest his words.

“I’m sorry…I…. I really don’t know what you’re talking about- ,” Mac starts, helplessly, eyes wide and sincere, and the earnestness there, the genuine desire to understand what’s going on in Dennis’s head is too much; like almost everything about Mac and the way he makes Dennis feel,  it has always been too much.

Dennis snorts abruptly, and it comes out less derisive and more incredulous, more  a cry of distress, like a wild animal realizing he’s caged and cornered on all sides.

“Of course you don’t understand. Why would you understand? I’ve spent the past 25 goddamn years being who I thought you wanted me to be!”

At this, Mac looks even more bemused, looking up at  Dennis like a kicked, puppy while Dennis continues, starting to pace  the length of the floor next to the table, the words spilling from his mouth one after another before he even knows what he’s going to say next, before he can stop himself

“You think you changed who you were at your core? You’re the one who made me change. All these years…I pretended you’re straight, pretended that I couldn’t see this thing that’s been going on between us since the first goddamn day we met. Do you really think that made me happy? You think that’s what I wanted?”

Dennis runs his hands wildly through his hair as he paces faster, tugging on the ends over and over.

“Living with you was like living with a fucking time bomb I spent years trying not to set off, because you were so convinced whatever you felt for men…whatever you felt for me must be so goddamn sinful, so disgusting, that you’d rather spend your life  pretending to be someone you’re not than owning up to the truth.”

Mac is standing now too, hands spread helplessly in front of him like he wants to touch Dennis, calm him, somehow, but doesn’t know how. Dennis stops pacing and sighs, leaning heavily against the table, shoulders heaving. His voice shakes when he speaks.

“I never thought you’d do it, man. Come out…. Stay out. Not for me, and not for a fucking lottery scratcher, that’s for goddamn sure.”

When Dennis catches Mac’s eyes, they’re wide and wet around the edges. He gives Mac a sad smile.

“And the sad fucking thing is, even then, even after I knew I was never going to be worth it to you, even after I tried to move on again and again,” Dennis pauses, laughing a little bit like he can’t believe the words himself “I still came back. Isn’t that pathetic?”

“Dennis,” Mac walks, very slowly, toward him, not breaking eye contact. Dennis can count the freckles on the tip of his nose. You can’t see them, if you’re not up close.

It’s only once Mac traces  the pad of his thumb across Dennis’s cheek and it comes away wet that Dennis realizes he’s been crying. Dennis is instantly hot with embarrassment,  trying to turn away and hide, bury his face in his own shoulder. But Mac’s hands don’t let go of his face, and before he realizes what’s happening, Mac’s got his own forehead pressed lightly up against his. Choking back a sob, Dennis feels more vulnerable, somehow more exposed now  than he’s ever felt in his life even though they’re fully clothed and barely touching.

“Dennis,” Mac exhales, so quiet it’s barely a word. “I’m sorry. I am so sorry.”

Slowly, cautiously, Dennis winds his arms around Mac’s torso, letting his hands rest flat against the fabric covering his shoulder blades.

“Dennis, you don’t need to pretend anymore.”

[nightcrawlerzincorporated]

I have a macdennis vampire AU bouncing around in my brain but I doubt I’ll ever actually write it out as a real fic so here you go:

Charlie is the oldest. He got turned long before the story begins, but he never bothered to keep track of how much time went by so exactly how old he is is a mystery even to himself. I like to think he’s old as shit though—over 500 for sure. He was born in Ireland but he moved to America so long ago he barely remembers it

Charlie is, at first, the sole owner of Paddy’s. He uses the bar to get easy prey (especially easy Alcohol Blood he can use to get drunk because you bet your ass they’re still alcoholics in this). Also when you run a bar no one questions why you sleep all day and are awake all night.

A few years before the story starts (maybe like 5 or 10 or 20 I can’t decide), Charlie met Mac when Mac wondered into Paddy’s one day looking for cheap drinks. Mac was the first person he met who he actually liked, so he turned him on a whim. He jokes frequently that he regrets it, but the two are still best friends and run the bar together

Mac simultaneously thinks being a vampire is super badass and a sin/insult to god. He goes back and forth between loving being a vampire and feeling intense guilt/shame, especially since he can no longer wear a crucifix or go to church. But he figures if he’s already a vampire he might as well sin and be gay, so he’s accepted his homosexuality at least mostly when the story starts

The story starts with Mac and Charlie wondering around Philly in the middle of the night, looking for shit to do. They notice two 30-something humans (Dennis and Dee) in fancy business attire looking very lost. Charlie insists they eat them but Mac thinks the guy (Dennis) is hot and doesn’t want to. They argue for a minute and settle on at least going over and finding out why two clearly rich people are in this part of town. Dennis and Dee immediately ask if Mac and Charlie have crack when they go up to them, answering that question. Mac and Charlie wonder aloud why they can’t get fancy business crack and Dennis and Dee both start talking over each other, ranting about how their dad fired them both and completely cut them off (Dennis insists it was all Dee’s fault, Dee says it’s Dennis’ fault) and now they’re forced to try and get their fix from a shady place like this. Mac lies and says there’s a guy at their bar that sells crack because he wants to excuse to hang out with this pathetically hot human more, and Dennis and Dee immediately ask to be taken there. Charlie mutters that he still thinks they should eat them, but Mac ignores him.

When there is no crack at the bar Mac lies again and says that the crack guy must have left while they were out. He offers Dennis and Dee (mostly Dennis) free drinks for the night and they accept, both getting absolutely sloshed. As they drink they both open up about how terrified they are and how neither of them can afford even a shitty apartment and they don’t know what they’re gonna do now. Mac quickly offers them jobs at the bar, despite Charlie’s protests, and says Dennis can live with him while he’s figuring shit out (Dee: “Why just Dennis? I need a place to live too!” Mac: “Yeah but I don’t want to live with a woman, so…”). Charlie reluctantly agrees to let Dee sleep in the bar while she saves up, which she hates but accepts because she can’t think of a better idea.

From there things fall into a new routine, with Dennis and Dee opening the bar in the evening and Charlie and Mac strolling in after the sun sets. They end up all getting along surprisingly well, Mac and Dennis especially finding out they actually have a lot in common and they enjoy living together.

They dance around each other for a while, before having sex. When Mac bites him during climax, Dennis quickly deduces that Mac is a vampire (he admits he’d been suspecting it for a while, and this confirms it). He insists on being turned, but Mac doesn’t want to because he wants Dennis to be able to go to heaven. Dennis insists that even if heaven is real, he sure as shit isn’t getting in, so Mac should turn him, but Mac still refuses.

Queue main bulk of story: Mac and Dennis try and navigate their budding relationship, especially regarding sex vs feelings, dealing with past trauma and internalized shit, etc, all while Dennis tries to become a vampire and Mac tries to prevent it. He tries to ask Charlie, tries to trick Mac into it, almost gets himself killed to give Mac no choice, etc but nothing convinces Mac. Mac thinks he’s being selfless and Saving Dennis, and Dennis thinks Mac just doesn’t want him to live forever with him. Misunderstandings and assumptions ensue, making things even more difficult.

At some point Frank shows up. He says he’s here to see if Dennis and Dee have learned their lesson. They try and kiss ass to get their old lives back. Mac is hurt that Dennis would leave him just for money, throwing another wrench in their relationship. Dennis insists he and Mac would still be together, but Mac thinks he’s just saying this to get Mac to turn him before he leaves.

But Frank ends up taking a liking to Charlie instead, and announces that he’s retiring to bum around with Charlie in the sewers and under the bridge. Dennis and Dee are furious about this, even more so when Charlie proceeds to make Frank a vampire almost instantly. Frank starts flaunting/abusing his new powers, making Dennis even angrier and more impatient for Mac to turn him.

I haven’t decided how I want Mac to decide to turn Dennis (probably something sappy like Dennis convincing Mac he’s not just using him and showing him he cares about their relationship beyond just being a vampire), but eventually, he does. Happily ever after…?

Sequel where they’re both vampires but still have other problems they didn’t consider. I don’t have as clear ideas for this one but it would feature Dee being upset that she’s the only human and Dennis eventually turning her “just so she’ll shut up” but really because he can’t imagine living forever without his twin, Dennis being way sloppier than the others and getting vampire hunters called on them (I think it would be funny if the McPoyals were a huge family of vampire hunters who are now after them), and Bruce Mathis having a cure for vampirism that he tries to force on the twins once he finds out they’re his kids.

Please clap

[glennetration]

drag me to the deep

happy birthday @charliekllys!!

There have been many times where he’s thought he was going to die before. This time was different.

He tips back his glass, lets the bitter-smooth whiskey slide down his throat like it’s done a thousand times before, ignores the growling of his stomach. He can feel the weight of Dee’s eyes upon him, because he’s pressed against Mac (who isn’t warm, not like he usually is, like a fucking radiator, and Dennis blames the ocean) so that they’re more like one large lump of slightly damp blankets, and her stare is burning like his mother’s cigarettes. If he ever told her that he’d compared her to their mother, she’d slap the taste out of his mouth.

There have been many times where he’s thought he was going to die before. This time was different.

He tips back his glass, lets the bitter-smooth whiskey slide down his throat like it’s done a thousand times before, ignores the growling of his stomach. He can feel the weight of Dee’s eyes upon him, because he’s pressed against Mac (who isn’t warm, not like he usually is, like a fucking radiator, and Dennis blames the ocean) so that they’re more like one large lump of slightly damp blankets, and her stare is burning like his mother’s cigarettes. If he ever told her that he’d compared her to their mother, she’d slap the taste out of his mouth.

They were twenty-one once, even though it seems like ages ago, when the dull monotony of life had still been fresh and new and exciting and they were still riding the high of being able to drink in the eyes of the law. The day after their birthday, he and Dee had gone to a liquor store and legally bought all the Jack Daniels they could carry and then gone to a shady street corner and illegally bought weed from a guy who jacked up the prices way less than Mac did. He hadn’t been speaking to Mac, for some reason, and Charlie had taken Mac’s side, so he and Dee had gone home and gotten crossfaded. He’d waited for Dee to light her own joint, and then he’d plucked the lighter neatly from her hands and lit his own. He’d almost missed the big clunky backbrace— even though it was hideous and disgusting and an assault on his ears as well as his eyes, with Dee in it, he would look better by comparison. She would be bigger than him, uglier, the twin who managed to get herself trapped in a metal cage.

He didn’t tell her that, though. He chucked the lighter back at her when she complained, he smoked three joints down to the bare bones, he finished at least one bottle of Jack. They were twenty-one, and with Dee out of the backbrace they were both golden once more, and they were the kings of the world. And when the morning came and the cold tile stung his knees as he sprawled on the bathroom floor, the world shook and crumbled beneath him. He flipped off Dee as she asked him about an ambulance— why the hell did you drink so much on an empty stomach, you goddamn idiot— he’s not sure which voice is Dee’s and which one is his mother’s, because in her quest to grow in the complete opposite way as Barbara, Dee forgot to uproot herself from her mother’s garden.

He eventually learned to distinguish panic from anger, separate the twisted threads of something ashen and dying from something hacked half to death yet still green, but it didn’t happen that morning, and he wondered if he was going to die with his mother beside him instead of his sister.

He slams the whiskey glass on the tray top with far more force than is necessary. The steward— scared shitless by Dennis’s mid-flight rant, but what the hell is first class for if you’re not getting your drinks on time?— scampers forwards and refills it. Dee is still staring at him, waiting for an explanation that won’t come. He wants to snap at her, ask her what the hell her problem is, but if he opens his mouth then he’s afraid that salty ocean water will pour out once more and his body will work against him to expel everything from his lungs even though he’s sick of fighting it.

He was going to die on the Jersey Shore with his twin sister beside him— and no, the irony of them leaving the world together just like they came in was not lost on him— and it would be a fitting death for Dennis Reynolds, but not for the Golden God. These people did not befit the Golden God, smeared dark crimson across him in an effort to dull him, like messy children with ketchup-covered hands. He knelt in the coarse sand, and he could feel every single particle digging into his skin, and the world moved in slow motion but he still can’t remember what exactly happened, because one minute he was going to die and the next minute sand was being flung in someone’s face and he and Dee were sprinting out of there as fast as they possibly fucking could. They ran, and none of the bullets hit them, and for a second he thought that the Golden God had enveloped him, protected him from all harm, and then he fell to his knees and spilt the meagre contents of his stomach onto the sand. Water suddenly buffeted him, teeth-chatter cold and just as forceful, pulling the sand out from under his hands and knees in a more abrasive manner than simply kneeling ever could. And even as Dee was yelling get up get up please Dennis you goddamn idiot we need to go he wondered if he could dissolve into sea foam and float away. Maybe he could even get to Europe.

This time was different. Dennis takes another sip of the whiskey to avoid staring at Dee or even glancing at Mac, and he wonders why in the hell this time was different. Maybe it was because Mac said I’m gay, in such a matter-of-fact way that Dennis had wondered if he’d ever fought it at all. Dennis had wondered a lot of things in the time between Mac coming in and the two of them grasping hands underwater, because if Mac’s faith in God was gone then Dennis’s faith in a carefully prescribed order was too and there should’ve been nothing stopping him from saying something, anything.

“Can you mark down in your report, uh, that I’m not gay? Because I’m not.”

Dennis was going to die holding Mac’s hand, holding it so tightly that no water could make its way into the little nooks and crannies that result out of holding someone else’s hand. He thought about every other time that he could’ve died in the past, and every single time he hadn’t accepted it. This time he had. Maybe it has something to do with the fact that he was going to die holding Mac’s hand, and he was going to die with his sister right next to him, and he was going to die with Charlie floating just a few feet away (and he might’ve hated Frank in life, but he made Charlie happy, so Dennis couldn’t object to dying with Frank there too). He squeezed Mac’s hand tighter. The light coming from above cast a shining hue on Dee’s cornsilk hair. It was fitting that one of them would die golden, anyways. The other one had Mac.

When the door opened, Dennis only swam up because Mac did. And then Mac had gone and undone his confession (even though that’s not at all how it fucking works, and Dennis’s heart had caught fire the moment Mac had said it).

Dennis presses himself into Mac’s side even farther, almost angry, almost heartbroken, and as the plane’s wheels touch the wet tarmac and they all go bouncing around like beads in a maraca, he wonders if things will change. He’s deluding himself if he thinks that they will immediately, because they’re not the type of people that do that, but he thinks that maybe, over time, they can try.

[jerjclooners]

With Mac’s performance, It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia can no longer be a show about nongrowth.

Its only been like a day since I saw that beautiful season 13 finale of It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, but I can already sense the people around me getting tired because it’s all I want to talk about. My roommates are only vaguely aware of the show. They’ve never been obsessed with it like I was from 2012, until 2016. And then now. I’ve been haunting the apartment with my laptop, opened to youtube, the video clip of the end of “Mac Finds His Pride” queued up, ready to be watched for maybe the ninth time. I sent it to my friends who I think would be willing to have a conversation with me about it. It doesn’t matter to me who has the context of the rest of Sunny, and who doesn’t. All that matters to me is if someone is willing to watch and listen. Because I want to talk about it.

I think it was in 2016, in the middle of the 11th season, when I finally gave up on the new episodes. But sometimes, I’d open Hulu and binge on seasons 2 to 8, and I’d think about what I believe has gone wrong with the latest seasons, starting from season 9. I’ll think about why I stopped watching. 

Maybe its just me, but it seemed like every character in Sunny had all turned into caricatures. In the beginning, the popularity of the show stemmed from the fact that these are all terrible people who no one would want to meet in real life. None of them have any sense of social responsibility, or empathy. But what made the show good, and the antics funny, was that on some level, the audience could understand the impulses the gang acted on in every episode. It was low budget with a simple concept. The worst people in the worst city in America acting on their worst impulses. And for the show to keep working on this concept, their characters could never learn from their behavior, could never grow or develop. 

It’s Always Sunny was a good show until it wasn’t anymore. I don’t know. The jokes began to feel stale. The show couldn’t give me character development--this was their promise from the beginning, but it wasn’t giving me anything else to make the characters and their antics fresh. I could start to predict the plot easily. A few episodes might get a chuckle, but not a hearty belly laugh. The new episodes just didn’t feel new. The quality of picture and sound maybe got better, the budget more expensive. The gang was leaving Philly more and more often, and the schemes were getting wilder, bigger. But I wasn’t laughing anymore. My opinion was that keeping Sunny running for so long was a mistake. It seemed like the creators were becoming more progressive people who were trying to address complex topics--definitely a good thing, but they were growing past their own show, because their characters were not capable of complexity. Sunny taught their audiences that their characters will never change, and so the show was becoming stale because they were recycling material and old jokes without complicating them, because how could they when their own characters are not meant to be seen as complicated. They cannot grow or develop. That was the point from the beginning.

A couple days ago, I came across a few shots of Mac’s Dance. I thought, “Oh cool, Rob Mcelhenney is in another thing.” I never considered that those shots would be from It’s Always Sunny until I saw the whole thing. They looked too serious, too polished and sculpted. 

My opinion is changed. Rob Mcelhenney did something insanely brilliant with Mac in the season finale, reversing the tone of the show unexpectedly, taking a giant leap, so to speak. And I don’t know what to do with this new thing Sunny has given me. But if any character of Sunny deserved character development, it was definitely Mac. If you were to ask me, he had the most complicated material to work with, not only including his sexuality. When I actually try and consider it, he was always the most sympathetic. As a practicing Catholic, he operates off of some kind of moral compass, no matter how flawed, damaging, and often bigoted. Of the entire gang, he was the one who tried the hardest to be a good person, or the person he believed he should be in the confines of something bigger than himself. The rest of the gang never thought of their identities as deeply as Mac. That was why coming out of the closet was such a big deal for him. In the episode where he comes out to the gang, he accepts his sexuality, but he gets depressed, telling the group that God is not real, because even though he accepts his sexuality now, he cannot accept that God would make him gay. The two main components of Mac’s identity, Catholicism and homosexuality, are contradictory. He cannot accept them existing at the same time. I can’t think of anything nearly as interesting happening with the other four.

Mac also has body dysmorphic disorder. He constantly changes his physical appearance as he seeks the approval of others. That’s part of the joke, though, that his appearance is constantly changing and nobody knows or understands why. In season 13, it only comes off as another joke aimed at Mac’s dysmorphia. The joke is that he gets ripped because he thought it was part of one of the gang’s schemes when it wasn’t. It’s a call back to a previous joke in season seven. Mac gets fat because he thinks he’s “cultivating mass” for another one of the gangs schemes, which isn’t actually part of any plan. In season 13, he presents his ripped torso to the gang, who don’t understand what is going on. Charlie then explains, “Oh, yeah, no one ever really knows what’s going on with Mac. He’s fat, he’s skinny, he’s muscular. It’s really a cry for help and attention, I think. So, what you do in that situation is you ignore him.” Then Mac, unsure, asks, “We’re not going to put it into the plan? Why did I do it?” Everyone: “Nobody knows.” 

Mac: “You guys like me, right?”

Nobody answers.

Mac’s character was always seeking the approval of someone. It begins with his father in season 3, “Dennis Looks Like A Registered Sex Offender,” which shows Mac desperately trying to bond with an unresponsive father. In later seasons, Mac mainly seeks his approval from Dennis, who doesn’t approve of anyone in the gang, the gang is just easy for him to control, especially Mac. So, when Mac didn’t have approval from his dad, he sought approval from Dennis and from God. Neither of which worked out for him. 

Now, we have the season 13 finale. It’s just so, so good. It’s emotional, heartbreaking, and the reason for this is because of who Mac is. He’s actually a sympathetic character. He’s complex, three-dimensional. Flawed, but tortured. The audience can react emotionally to the dance because of everything Mac had given thus far, not just from the beginning of “Mac Finds His Pride,” but maybe as far back as season six, or even further, in “Dennis Looks Like A Registered Sex Offender,” when Mac struggles desperately and fails to connect with his emotionally distant, ex-con father. Sure, in that episode, it’s meant to build to a punchline of the joke at the end, that as soon as Mac reacts appropriately to the way his father was treating him, he finds out that his dad did have plans to connect with his son, before Mac ruined it. 

The dance is unexpected. For 13 seasons, Sunny fans have been taught that no matter what, Mac would make a fool of himself. Not this time.

In this article from Vulture, Rob Mcelhenney expresses his intention for the finale. “’We got a really overwhelming emotional response from the LGBTQ community last year,’ McElhenney said. ‘I took it seriously and I felt it would be completely unexpected to have this much more emotionally resonant end to the season. You would expect that Mac would express himself through the art of contemporary dance and it go horribly wrong, until you realize that’s not the direction we’re taking.’” 

All Mac really needed was for someone to tell him that all the confusing things going on inside of him (the storm they are dancing in, the dance itself, all of it meant to represent his struggle) is okay. Mac needed someone to tell him that it was okay, that everything he is, and everything he feels even though it is confusing and contradictory, is okay. Thinking back to everything the audience has seen from Mac, you realize he is just a deeply wounded person. Maybe he’s involved with a bunch of narcissists like Dennis, Frank, Dee, and Charlie because of how wounded he is and has always been. But even before this, he has shown more complexity than all the other characters combined.

Again, from Vulture: “Rob came out of the writers room saying he wanted it to represent the struggle, the push and pull, and that helped Leo and me to put the choreography together in a way that showed vulnerability and strength,” Faulk said. “The woman represents the light and the good and everything pure and amazing — and he’s the dark. So it’s basically a giant metaphor for being able to love and accept yourself.”

Sunny did something completely different and unexpected for one of their most complex characters, they gave him a platform in which he is able to find love and acceptance, and then receive it as it came from somewhere he wasn’t expecting.

I feel pretty inspired by what Sunny just did, and now, I am going to expect more from the show. The creators have grown as people, and the stories they want to tell are more complex than before. Their characters are going to have to, or will have to continue to, catch up with them. I’ve been waiting for the show to end, thinking it could never grow. Sunny just proved me wrong.

One concrete example of what I wish to see in the next season: Mac standing up for himself against Dennis. If the show goes back to the way they were doing things before season 13, I will be completely disappointed. I don’t necessarily expect Mac to be completely different after this, but he’s the character who has shown the most character growth and complexity, even before the finale. If Dennis treats Mac the same way and Mac doesn’t stand up for himself in some way of another, I will be deeply uncomfortable. I might even feel betrayed. 

It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia just threw away their old playbook. It’s a new show now.

[sakebytheriver]

I have not stopped thinking about this since I first had the thought so I'm subjecting you all to my wild ramblings

Like obviously, Jane and Dennis would clash from the very beginning, the unhinged control freak type-As that they are, they'd also have massive hate boners for each other. Dennis would constantly be trying to get into Jane's pants and having breakdowns everytime she turned him down and he'd end up having sex with Penny in the backroom instead like

*Jane and Dennis right in each other's faces after yelling about who should be in control complete with heavy nostril breathing*

Dennis: Should we have sex right here on the bar?

Jane: Absolutely not.

Dennis: Goddamnit! Penny!

*he storms off with Penny following behind with a longwinded rant about how she's really an independent woman who doesn't need this kind of treatment*

Brad who's been watching his crazy wife have a crazy off with Dennis and has gotten incredibly turned on: Hey, babe, are we gonna have sex?

Jane also incredibly turned on from arguing: Yes.

Brad: Yay! In the dirty bathroom?

Jane: In the dirty bathroom.

Brad: Yay!

*he takes her hand and they skip off to the bathroom leaving everyone else watching after them*

Max: So should we just get drunk until they get back?

Everyone else: Hell yes.

Also Mac and Max? The absolute chaos of the two dudebro gay guys with names almost exactly the same? The fact that they would 100% hookup and Mac would then have to confront the fact that Max is almost as big a disaster as Charlie? The chaos Max and Charlie and Frank would all get up to? How the Happy Endings crew would probably think Dennis is really cool at first and how that would give Dennis a giant ego trip while making Dave insanely jealous? Dennis trying to get with Alex and Jane the whole time while Penny throws herself at him? Dee trying desparately to bond with the girls because she has absolutely no girlfriends and how she'd probably more often than not be the butt of a classic Happy Endings gang Pile On instead, slowly driving her more and more insane? Dee and Alex clashing as Dee tries to get with Dave, but he's too busy focusing on trying to prove he's cooler than Dennis and absolutely ignoring all of her come ons? Alex and Charlie just vibing like 'head empty no thoughts' idiot to idiot communication? Brad having an infinite amount of 'white people' eyeroll moments? Brad being dragged along on the worst adventure of his entire life with Max, Charlie, and Frank just absolutely in hell as the three vibe on a troll living under a bridge level? The fact that Frank would probably pull a gun on at least three of the Happy Endings crew? How it would end with both groups coming to the same correct assumption that the others are a bunch of jerks, but probably for the opposite reasons everyone else in the world does or it would end with them becoming the best of friends who the second the two groups are out of earshot of each other both go "Those were the craziest bunch of motherfuckers we've ever met"? I want it so bad.

IASIP could probably do it, just bring the Happy Endings gang back for like two crossover episodes with no explanation whatsoever, pull a Simpsons/Family Guy crossover and have the Happy Endings crew in Philly for a roadtrip and their car broke down. The chaos of the Happy Endings crew the most codependent human beings on earth stuck living everyday in wacky romcom highjinks that escalate to the wildest extremes plus the It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia chaos of the worst people in the world stuck in a low stakes sitcom that take the most basic premise and escalate it to its wildest extreme is just too good a combination for me not to get lost in thought about it and no one but me will ever care or will ever see my vision. Truly I am the most tortured and unappreciated genius of our time 😔

Listen to me, the crew from Happy Endings and the crew from It's Always Sunny in Philadelphia would vibe in the absolute worst ways possible and I want to see it so bad

[pupuplatters]

DANNY KIRWAN :: Second Chapter ~ 8.7 | Midnight in San Juan ~ 8.0 | Hello There Big Boy! ~ 4.5

DJM | DJLPA-1

DJM |  DJF 20481

DJM |  DJM-22

Even before Danny Kirwan passed away, I thought about reviewing his albums because I consider them to be obscure gems. Now seems like a good time to pay tribute to a musician who always seemed to be unfairly overshadowed. Although Danny was never a prolific lyricist, his melodies stick in your head and his songs were always a cut above thanks to the unique touch of his guitar playing and the magical mojo that Fleetwood Mac laid down on albums such as Future Games and Bare Trees. "Sands of Time," "Tell Me All the Things You Do," and "Bare Trees" are perfect studies in economical songwriting, and Danny also excelled at heartbreakingly beautiful instrumentals, as "My Dream," "Earl Gray," and "Sunny Side of Heaven" prove. He was able to establish an atmosphere with music like no other.

Danny's solo albums are a natural continuation of where he left off in Fleetwood Mac, dropping the emphasis on the hot bluesy guitar solos of early Mac and honing the streamlined pop he began to explore before leaving the band. Second Chapter is a carefree romp and marks the beginning of what should have been a more fruitful era in Danny's career. His guitar is never really showcased as it was in Mac: it's typically low in the mix, and solos are brief. A struggle between pursuing what he was incredibly gifted at and not wanting to be a "rock star" is apparent. Second Chapter is certainly his most musically diverse solo album; a lot of colors are thrown at the wall and they all blend well together. One thing that strikes me about this era is a lyrical shift towards nature: water, fish, birds, rainbows, and seasons are all observed in the lyrics. The album cover is overflowing with grass and blooming flowers. Clearly Danny was inspired by the world around him, but this new focus also hints at isolation. As the title and album artwork suggest, Second Chapter is a bit of a story through different vignettes of love, and his affection for the natural world seems to win over interpersonal affairs as the album’s second half turns more quiet and inward. The soupy production is Spector-ish with soothing strings, honking horns, ragtime pianos, and down home banjos creating a garden in springtime where the listener's mind is free to wander. A tasty lead fiddle welcomes you to a great big hoedown in the opener "Ram Jam City,” a song that contains the spark that makes Kirwan’s best songs so magical. As it unfolds, Danny playfully chases a frisky filly while guitar and fiddle dance with percussion that sounds like horses clomping in time. The joy of the moment can almost be touched as a choir of harmonized aahs leads the parade home. I don’t think Danny sounded so exuberant before or after. It’s a magnificent production, courtesy of Martin Rushent. The playfulness continues with some wonderfully weird scat singing punctuating the vaudevillian "Odds and Ends," a quick little snapshot of an eccentric junk shop. "Skip a Dee Doo" contains some fine country guitar pickin' during the break and strengthens the case for Danny's versatility (see also "Sometimes" from Future Games). The title track is a very British-sounding easy rocker that Al Stewart could have brought to the Top 20. “Lovely Days” and “Silver Streams” both showcase Danny’s skill with gentle, folk-influenced ballads. I'm not sure why "Best Girl in the World" was omitted from the US pressing of the album (the version I grew up with), but it’s a bit of a trifle and removing it from the record accentuates the attention toward nature. "Cascades" contains a gorgeous weave of acoustic, lead electric, and what sounds like a baritone guitar with a lyric in the chorus that suggests loneliness, a theme that would continue on the next albums. I've always wondered about the strange oscillating panning on "Hot Summer Day" and a couple other cuts. It sounds like someone's kid snuck into the control room and started turning knobs without anyone noticing. The production borders on overkill (one or two less string arrangements would be nice), but Second Chapter is the strongest representation of Danny standing tall as a solo artist. Released in 2000, Ram Jam City collects raw mixes and alternate takes from the Second Chapter era. For fans, it's a real treat to listen to, containing false starts, clearer vocal harmonies, and instrumental parts that didn't make the album. The CD presents its title track in two different forms and confirms its status as a brilliant little nugget. The instrumental version sounds just as good as the album cut, and the second version sounds like an alternate mix of the original recording at the correct speed, a touch slower and less manic than what appeared on the record. 

Midnight in San Juan is Danny's best sounding solo album: bright, natural, and uncluttered. Other than the occasional bongo and keyboard, the instrumentation is strictly drums, bass, and guitar. It's a bit looser too: you can hear Danny count off in a song, and in another, it sounds like he's humming to himself. The quality of the material is not far from its predecessor, but the lack of any bells and whistles shines a light on the lyrical thinness of the songs. The sonic cleanness of the breezy opener "I Can Tell" is as refreshing as its numerous hooks, and Danny harmonizing with himself on the vocal is wonderful to hear. It may be his attempt to write his own “Take It Easy.” "Life Machine" evokes a heavy, late '60s psych vibe, while "Rolling Hills" and the title track continue the haunting mood of Kirwan's Mac-era instrumentals, although they aren't quite as impactful. The latter sounds like funky movie music with some very '70s synths as the focal point. His reggae cover of "Let It Be" is OK and confirms his McCartney influence, but I would have preferred a Danny song. It happens to be in the same position in the track listing as Second Chapter's "Mary Jane," another reggae exercise that is superior to my ears. The gently swinging waltz "Angel's Delight" is truly a delight, containing some essential Kirwan poetry and beautiful interplay between bass and lush guitar in the instrumental breaks. The introspective "Misty River" opens with an acoustic guitar playing the melody, but oddly, synth takes over for the solo section. Although Danny didn't seem to want the spotlight, he still made all the pieces fit. The remaining songs are generally strong, but I get the sense that Danny went on autopilot at this point. The balloon of inspiration lost some air. The outro of "I Can't Let You Go" contains some of Danny's final hints of lead guitar brilliance on record and the track fades far too quickly. He seems to be on even footing for the duration of the album, but the hallucinogenic closer "Castaway" veers off the course. I've always found this track to be disturbing and its placement on the album metaphorical, a tumble off of the wagon after a period of stability. A creepy droning synth is featured heavily, and Danny's almost freaky guitar vibrato is used to maximum effect. Tension builds as the beat goes to double time before skidding into a manic refrain: its screaming guitar part and confrontational vocal sound like a genuine descent into madness. The song may have been intended as an official sign-off by Danny. It certainly feels like it, even though he owed DJM one more record.

Midnight in San Juan was released as Danny Kirwan in the States, and this version of the album contains some thoughtful liner notes by Richard Hogan. An excerpt:

A consummate pop craftsman, Danny couples layers of instruments with poetic conceits depicting the magic of a world many are too busy or jaded to notice. His new songs couple spring-clean the airwaves - you forget you're indoors when you're listening to them. Shafts of sunlight, forest creatures, romantic encounters surface and re-surface as emblems of hope on the singer's horizon. But the nature imagery isn't artificial, doesn't become frozen in a still-life tableau - rains fall, winds blow as if Kirwan knows he has no control over the things he finds idyllic. 

1979 was a weird time for the Fleetwood Mac family. Tusk was a brave double-disc curveball from the corporate headquarters. Jeremy Spencer went hippie disco-folk on his album Flee. Bob Welch tried sparse new wave on The Other One. According to various reports (including an anecdote in Mick Fleetwood's autobiography), Danny Kirwan was homeless. His last album, Hello There Big Boy!, is an unintentional portrait of mental illness. He doesn't look well on the album sleeve, and the record itself seems to represent giving up: side 2 is rather brief and just sputters and dies at the end. Danny musters all the emotion that he can, but he seems detached and less focused. The record contains only four new Kirwan compositions. Producer Clifford Davis was likely the mastermind of the album's vibe: a more straightforward, smooth late '70s sound with background singers, electric piano, and the occasional string arrangement. The backstory of Danny's struggle is hard to ignore and makes the album an uncomfortable listen, but I treasure its highlights. "Wings of a Dove" is signature Kirwan, deceptively simple (only one verse and chorus, repeated) but completely enchanting. Even at a low point, he was capable of magic. Equally intriguing, "Spaceman" cruises in a similar vein and sounds like it was written and recorded in the same session. Danny's hope circles the drain in "Caroline," a painful dirge about a failed relationship (reportedly, his marriage) that's oddly followed by a goopy ballad that opens with "You are the one who makes me happy." Continuing the awkward track sequencing, "You" is followed by "Only You," a high-octane blues-rocker from the Fleetwood Mac days that's given the neutered yacht rock treatment here with wah guitar and Vegas horns. Compared to the fire of the original and lacking the killer guitar hook it contained in the refrain, it falls rather flat and was a poor choice for a single. I wonder if recording the song was suggested by Danny or a tactic by Clifford Davis to keep Kirwan engaged in the album. Hello There Big Boy! is rounded out by material from a few of the musicians who played on the album. The best of the outside material is probably "End Up Crying," a convincing lite rocker that would have had a decent chance on the radio. For me, the highlight of "Gettin' the Feelin'" is the very obvious bass guitar bobble at the top of the 2nd chorus. "California" is a simple little ditty contributed by Clifford Davis and vocalist Dana Gillespie. That's an odd collaboration. When Gillespie made her vocal contributions to the album, Davis could have asked her if she had any song ideas because he was so starved for material, and they may have patched "California" together on the spot. A rather lovely homage to the Beach Boys, "Summer Days and Summer Nights" is a duet with Gillespie and it concludes the record somewhat strangely. At the close of the song, Danny ends his vocal phrases quickly, as if he was dying to get out of the studio. The final repeated line "Now it's time to say goodbye to the magic in your eyes" makes the album's finale (and the end of Kirwan's career) that much more sad. It would have been nice to have Christine McVie instead of Gillespie on the track to provide some closure and give the album a bump in exposure, but at this point, it may have done more harm than good. It seems Kirwan wasn't equipped to deal with fame, and unfortunately, it either caused or irritated his personal problems. Clifford Davis claimed to have utilized 87 musicians to get the album done, but the credits list only one rhythm section with several additional musicians on vocals, guitar, and keys. I have to think that it's a fairy tale because he has been quoted as not liking the album and it makes for a funny story in that context (unless he was referring to string players who are heard on several tracks), but it's worth noting that his own work on the project didn't exactly elevate it. The mix at the beginning of "You" is head-scratchingly bad, and several production choices on the album are highly questionable. The album is such a far cry from the euphoria of "Ram Jam City," which kicked off Kirwan's solo era with great promise only four years earlier. After his third solo album, it was clear that Danny was not coming back. I was very sad when I heard that Danny Kirwan passed away. It was odd to see the online articles about a seemingly sensitive and private man who hadn't been heard from in decades alongside the shallow media fodder of today. I'll always remember many years ago when my dad and I were driving around my hometown in December looking for a Christmas tree with my cassette dub of Danny's music providing the soundtrack; around the same time, being complimented on my developing drumming skills as I played along to "Midnight in San Juan"; a bit later, being thrilled about hearing some true rarities on Ram Jam City. My record collection has experienced quite a bit of turnover through the years, but I've never considered parting with my Danny albums (including my highly treasured test pressing of Hello There Big Boy!). Everyone holds certain artists in high esteem because their music means so much more than a faceless tune you whistle along to in the car, and Kirwan is one of a few of those top-shelf musicians for me. To this day, I consider his body of work to be very underrated, but thanks to being part of one of the most popular bands in history, his obscure solo work will be in a good position to be found and loved by curious fans.

July 5, 2018

[maccymacdonald]

requested prompt - “I needed you and you weren’t there”

"What the fuck dude?!"

Mac burst through the door of the bar, crashing it against the wall, silencing everyone inside. He stood with his arms out, his face awash with disbelief and pure rage. Dennis eyed him quickly before ducking his head, taking a deep breath before moving round the bar to face him.

“Please, don’t be mad.” His voice was steady and for once he seemed sincere, genuine even, but Mac’s heart was beating so loud he couldn’t concentrate on anything but the overwhelming urge to punch him in the face. Dee and Charlie exchanged a nervous glance before awkwardly grabbing Frank’s arm and shuffling past the both of them before bolting out the door, letting it slam behind them.

“Where the hell where you, man?” Mac took a step closer, and Dennis could sense the tension radiating from his body. His face was red and his throat was burning and holy shit, Dennis thought he might kill him.

“I know I fucked up, but Ma-”

“I called you 46 times. 46 fucking times dude, but you didn’t show.” Dennis ran a hand through his hair and looked away, picking a spot on the grimey wall to focus on. This was one of those rare, stupid occasions where he didn’t have an out. He couldn’t lie, or joke, or run, and it was honestly terrifying. The bar was completely empty, yet panic still rose in his throat as Mac was screaming at him, struggling to even listen to a word he was saying. He hated it.

“-and when I came by here to pick you up, Charlie and Dee said they hadn’t heard from you all day. I can’t believe this, I really can’t man, you let me down! Actually no, I should have expected this. You’re never there when someone needs you, only when it suits yourself. And I’m sick of it Dennis! Shit, would it kill you to just make an effort for once in your goddamn lif-”

“I know, God dammit! I know!”

He lurched forward and grabbed Mac’s shoulders, causing him stumble back with the force. Mac’s entire demeanour switched in a second, from pure hatred to total confusion. He eyed Dennis carefully, partly undeniably terrifyied of his unpredictability and partly a little pissed off that even now Dennis always has to be in control.

“Just, dammit. Hear me out. Okay?” Dennis realised the pressure with which he was digging his nails into him, and dropped his arms hastily, a desperate look in his eyes that surprised Mac more than anything.

“I didn’t come, because I couldn’t.”

A million thoughts flooded Mac’s mind as he struggled to comprehend what was happening.

“I couldn’t risk them finding out.”

Mac was utterly dumbfounded. His fists shook, jaw aching from grinding his teeth in a pathetic attempt to hold back. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, ready to explode at any second.

“I finally come out to my mom, after years of being alone in this shit, and you’re worried about yourself? Seriously? How god damn selfish are you?” The volume increased with every word, filling Dennis with a familiar anxious feeling.

“If I went with you it would have been obvious we’re a couple, Mac. I don’t want anyone to know, I’ve told you this.”

Mac drew in a breath and slowly closed his eyes, holding it for what seemed like eternity. When his eyes finally fluttered open, the heat and wetness was too hard to ignore. Dennis thought he looked utterly defeated, and it would have broke his heart if he thought he had one.

“I needed you, and you weren’t there.” His voice cracked miserably, as he bit his lip and willed himself to not get so fucking emotional.

“I know, babe I know. And I’m so fucking sorry.” Dennis cupped his face in his hands, stoking his hair the way he always does to calm him down. Mac’s heartbeat slowed a little and he drew some shaky breaths before resting his forehead lazily against the other man’s.

“The truth is… Ah fuck. The truth is I’m not ready, Mac. You might be, and that’s great, but I’m not. Yeah it starts with your parents, but then it’ll be Frank, or Dee, or Charlie, and soon everything will change. I want to be with you, but I just need more time before people know.” Mac lay his hand on top of Dennis’s. The intamcy freaked them both out internally, but truth be told neither could bring themselves to let go.

“I should have been there with you today, when you told her. I know that, and I made a mistake. If I’m totally honest, I just assumed she wouldn’t give a shit anyway.” A small smirk spread across his lips, his cocky attitude seeping back into the conversation.

“She didn’t. But that’s not the point, Den.” Mac’s voice was softer now, more gentle. He felt exhausted, wanting more than anything to go home and fall asleep in the arms of the man he loved, and just forget about this whole fucking ordeal.

“I know. I’m sorry. I promise I’ll get better at this, I-I’ll be a better boyfriend.”

Both of them snapped opened their eyes to look at eachother before grimacing wildly.

“That sounds weird.”

“Yeah. It does. I hate it.”

“Me too. You don’t have to worry about it, though. Until your ready, no one’s gonna know. I swear. We’ll figure this shit out.”

“Yeah, I know we will.” They looked at one another, certain words bursting in their chest neither could say. But they knew. They’d always known.